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"If there was an elephant in the supermarket, she'd either not see it at all, or call it Mrs Jones and talk about fishcakes."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"I wanted to invent myself as a fictional character. And I did, and it has caused a great deal of confusion."
Character
"Life gives you enough hard knocks so it's unlikely you'll stay that sure of yourself."
Life
"However it is debased or misinterpreted, love is a redemptive feature. To focus on one individual so that their desires become superior to yours is a very cleansing experience."
Love
"The work that lasts over time is the work which still speaks to us when all contemporary interest in that work is extinct."
Time
"We shall all die, and our lives will be irrelevant then."
Will
"You never give away your heart; you lend it from time to time. If it were not so, how could we take it back without asking?"
Time
"One room is always enough for one person. Two rooms is not enough for two people. That is one of the conundrums in life."
Life
"I think heterosexuality and homosexuality are a kind of psychosis, and the truth is somewhere in the middle."
Truth
"Art saved me; it got me through my depression and self-loathing, back to a place of innocence."
Art
"Ordinary professionalism and 20 years' experience can accomplish a lot, but it can't access the hidden places."
Experience
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