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Humor Quotes
"Status quo, you know, is Latin for 'the mess we're in'."
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"I've always been very confident in my immaturity."
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"She and Kennedy both dove for the power connector; Kennedy reached it first and yanked out the connection as Alex landed on her stomach beside it.The air settled down until the fine hairs on her arm no longer stood on end. Alex dropped her forehead to the platform and started laughing. "Just like university, isn't it?"Almost-nothing's actually blown up yet."
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"Oh, for God's sake,' I said. 'Just give me the stupid thing.' I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. 'GPS,' Ranger said to Morelli. 'Probably I can find her breast without it,' Morelli said. 'But it's good to know there's a navigational system on board if I need it."
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"She wears her clothes as if they were thrown on her with a pitchfork."
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"What's the trick to remembering that a sandwich is masculine? What qualities does it share with anyone in possession of a penis? I'll tell myself that a sandwich is masculine because if left alone for a week or two, it will eventually grow a beard."
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"Thomas has the kind of whiter-than-white boyish grin that makes women's panties spontaneously evaporate."
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"When I was 16... I worked in a pet store. And they fired me because... they had three snakes in there, and one day I braided them."
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"Eternity is a ham and two people (also given as 'Eternity is two people and a ham') is an old quip from the days when a ham was huge-far more than two people could finish. Irma Rombauer mentions this line in her famous cookbook, The Joy of Cooking."
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"Life has become immeasurably better since I have been forced to stop taking it seriously."
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"Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money."
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"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."
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"I do not," I felt oddly appalled by her statement. "I'm an excellent liar. Ask my dentist. He swears I floss regularly."
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"You would wind up as a cat, I told her. They don't need anyone else. I need you, she replied.Well, I said. Maybe I'll come back as catnip."
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"A sneeze can never be to far away."
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"Jerk.smokes cigars.will die of lung cancer,hopefully soon.excellent physical shape."
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"It's just snow, Lesa said, rolling her eyes. "It's not going to hurt you.Kimmy smoothed her hands over her blond hair. "Sugar melts."Yeah, and shit floats. Lesa took her seat, yanking out last night's English homework."
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"How do I know you're not the killer? MeShack asked.A smirk plastered on Zulu's face. 'Because you would've been the first victim."
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"I laugh at these People who has it all and Still Complain."
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"With the Book hitching rides, hiding on people, guess we're all going to be dressing like skanks for a while, huh? Skintight or skin. Dude, everybody's everything's gonna be hanging out, and some o' those fat chicks at the abbey are gonna gross my eyeballs right outta my head. Muffin tops and camel toes, gah!"
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"No man as godly as George, the only fault he finds with God is that he made folk with too few orifices. If George could meet a woman with a quinny under her armpit, he would call out 'Glory be' and set her up in a house and visit her every day, until the novelty wore off. Nothing is forbidden to George, you see. He'd go to it with a terrier bitch if she wagged her tail at him and said bow-wow.'For once he is struck silent. He knows he will never get it out of his mind, the picture of George in a hairy grapple with a little ratting dog."
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"In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet."
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"She's all over us like maggots on garbage, just because I interfered with one pickpocket yesterday."
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"But to remain historically accurate, I would have had to leave out an important question that I felt needed to be addressed, which is, 'What if Jesus had known kung fu?"
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"Boyfriend?Her cheeks heated. "Yes."Funny name."What? She frowned. "Ernest is a perfectly nice name."Oh, I thought I heard you call him Ermine."
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"Kelsier rapped lightly on the door, and Dockson strolled over, pulling it open."And he makes his stunning entry!" Kelsier announced, sweeping into the room, throwing back his mistcloak.Dockson snorted, shutting the doors. "You're truly a wonder to behold, Kell. Particularly the soot stains on your knees."
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"And I like your laugh, Sabbath; it's inaudible."
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"Wilem: 'What is the word for that here? A man who is intimate with both women and men?''Lucky?' Denna suggested. 'Tired? Ambidextrous?''Ambisextrous,' I corrected."
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"It's funny, ma'am, how sometimes you're so sarcastic but it doesn't sting.""Because of my dimples. Dimples are a get-out-of-jail-free card."
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"Tonight sucks. And look at me. Look at - look at stupid Buffy. Too dumb for college, and-and-and freak Buffy, too strong for construction work. And-and my job at the magic shop? I was bored to tears even before the hour that wouldn't end. And the only person that I can even stand to be around is a... neutered vampire who cheats at kitten poker."
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"Another one of your quippy japes?"
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"It's kinda hard to get yourself into a good three-toweler when you got the dick of death."
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"Isn't it amazing how much stuff we get done the day before vacation?"
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"Oh, for Christ's sake,' I hear. 'Can we please just try to have a good time?' This is like ordering someone to find you attractive, and it doesn't work. I've tried it."
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"I imagine that one of the biggest troubles with colleges is there are too many distractions, too much panty-raiding, fraternities, and boola-boola and all of that."
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"Caine erupted in disbelieving laughter. "Yeah, that'll do it. 'I'm just a kid, Your Honor!' Hah. They'll have to find a few scapegoats, and guess who it will be? You and me, surfer boy. You and me."
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"Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him."
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"Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been."
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