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"The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist Jack."
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"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
Author Name
Personal Development
"GreenHollyWood is a bad character, fat, liking jokes, liking jokes about size, about the large, about the how big are you. Likes to laugh when you make a mistake, ... but but he is a teacher?! With a glasses a fat guy!"
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Personal Development
"They lack suggestive power. And when a book lacks suggestive power, however hard it hits the surface of the mind it cannot penetrate within."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Epic sex?" I sputtered. "By what standards, precisely, is sex judged to be epic?""And tons and tons of mortal simps like you used as pawns." Bob sighed happily, ignoring my question. "There are no words. It was like the Lord of the Rings and All My Children made a baby with the Macho Man Randy Savage and a Whac-A-Mole machine."
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Personal Development
"Laughter can deflate almost any problem down to its proper size."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I laugh for sheer medicinal purposes, because I feel I might die otherwise."
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Personal Development
"Rest assured you make perfectly good nonsense. I understand you one-hundred-percent not at all."
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"It is hard for the ape to believe he descended from man."
Evolution
"Nevertheless, it is even harder for the average ape to believe that he has descended from man."
Reflection
"The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series of hobgoblins, all of them imaginary."
Politics
"Life is a dead-end street."
Life
"I confess I enjoy democracy immensely. It is incomparably idiotic, and hence incomparably amusing."
Democracy
"Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses."
Democracy
"It is impossible to imagine the universe run by a wise, just and omnipotent God, but it is quite easy to imagine it run by a board of gods."
Religion
"A church is a place in which gentlemen who have never been to heaven brag about it to persons who will never get there."
Religion
"No one in this world has ever lost money by underestimating the intelligence of the great masses of the plain people. Nor has anyone ever lost public office thereby."
Unity
"The theory seems to be that as long as a man is a failure he is one of God's children, but that as soon as he succeeds he is taken over by the Devil."
Success
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