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Humor Quotes
"We take the shortest route to the puck and arrive in ill humor."
3
"Oh hell no. Guys don't talk about that crap."You're serious."Really."What do you talk about?Shane looked at her as if she were insane. "You know. Stuff. We're not girls. We don't talk about our feelings. I mean, not to other guys.Claire rolled her eyes and said, "Fine, be emotionally stunted losers; I don't care."
3
"I think that people's sexual preferences are a legitimate subject for humour, dirty humour if at all possible."
3
"I could get into bed with James Bond, then take my false leg off and it would really be a gun."
3
"What a sense of superiority it gives one to escape reading some book which everyone else is reading."
3
"Academics tend to have wonderfully infantile senses of humor."
3
"Then the small man suddenly ran after them and said:"I want to get my haircut. I say, do you know a little shop anywhere where they cut hair properly? I keep on having my hair cut, but it keeps on growing again."One of the tall men looked at him with the air of a pained naturalist."
3
"It's colder than a witch's tit in a steel bra."
3
"There's folks 'ud stand on their heads and then say the fault was i' their boots."
3
"If you're listening to this, congratulations! You survived Doomsday.I'd like to apologize straightaway for any inconvenience the end of the world may have caused you. The earthquakes, rebellions, riots,tornadoes, floods, tsunamis, and of course the giant snake who swallowed the sun-I'm afraid most of that was our fault. Carter and I decided we should at least explain how it happened."
3
"Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq."
3
"To be famous, in fact, one has only to kill one's landlady."
3
"The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day."
3
"Home, I think. But it's nowhere I can go back to."
3
"Home is where the heart is, home is where the fart is.Come let us fart in the home.There is no art in a fart.Still a fart may not be artless.Let us fart and artless fart in the home."
3
"Much was said, and much was ate, and all went well."
3
"The hon. gentleman had better spare his interrogations if they are as senseless as that one."
3
"It's always worrying to see a journalist take a sudden interest in what you're saying, especially when you half suspect it was a load of pigeon guano."
3
"Incongruity, they say, is one of the main ingredients of humor. Maybe it's because everybody can feel superior to me. I honestly don't know."
3
"Sometimes the only way to make palatable that which is appalling and apprehensive is to season it with some humor."
2
"I once sent a dozen of my friends a telegram saying 'flee at once - all is discovered.' They all left town immediately."
2
"It seems everything is so full of possibilities one can hardly take it all in."
2
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