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"I have never tried to walk through a mall in the Christmas season dressed like a jolly old elf. You might as well dress up like a pork chop and walk into an alley full of starving dogs."
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"Don't interrupt me while I'm interrupting."
"Kemp: I demonstrated conclusively this morning that invisibility--I.M: Never mind what YOU'VE DEMONSTRATED!--I'm starving, said the voice, and the night is--chilly for a man without clothes."
"I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated."
"Niagara ... is the first disappointment in the married life of many Americans who spend their honeymoon there."
Explore more quotes by Thomm Quackenbush
"If you knew the mercy I am showing by not dismembering you where you stand for getting in my way, you would not stop thanking me."
"I do not want to credit my life to spells and rituals, cushioning me from the consequences of living."
"The UFOs were nothing more than the collective fantasies of a stressed out society... The world into which UFOs had appeared was one of under-the-desk siren drills against nuclear annihilation. Society had made a new myth, a communal idea of something outside a species apparently intent on dooming itself."
"Having ascended to some spiritual strength by focusing on the power of the feminine, it is no doubt tempting to wield this strength against that which triggers memories of having once been weaker."
"It is not easy to find someone your size once the Freshman Fifteen turns to the Sophomore Forty or the Senior Sixty. Even when, through some miracle of self-restraint and bulimia, college girls managed to continue to have feminine bodies, so many of these tacky sluts have never heard word one about what fashion entails."
"When I lay down on my deathbed, I want to know that I have done all I could to be a first rate human, not a third rate pawn of the gods."
"Hades does not have a runny nose. I know this. The entire Greek pantheon no doubt knows this. For some reason, my nose is unaware of this basic fact of mythology."
"I don't think very many people get converted by someone telling them they are terrible. No one I'd want to rub shoulders with in Heaven, anyway."
"I feel as though I have leapt off this massive cliff and I am still building my wings. Everyone just assumes I know how to fly, but I am pretty sure I am only falling gracefully and hoping to miss the ground."
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