"Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq."

Humor, Iraq

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"Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Action, Life, Absurdity

Explore more quotes by Fran Lebowitz

"Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try."

Humor

"As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone is for you."

Time

"In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."

Humor

"Humility is no substitute for a good personality."

Humility

"Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat."

Humor

"Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back."

Attitude

"Food is an important part of a balanced diet."

Humor

"Stand firm in your refusal to remain conscious during algebra. In real life, I assure you, there is no such thing as algebra."

Humor

"I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not."

Luck

"Contrary to popular opinion, the hustle is not a new dance step - it is an old business procedure."

Leadership