"The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day."

Humor, Day, President, Reason, Running

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"The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."

Neil Gaiman, British Author

Humor, Mistake, Fallibility, Regret

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Humor, Poverty, Hunger, Choice, Necessity

Explore more quotes by Adlai E. Stevenson

"I have been thinking that I would make a proposition to my Republican friends... that if they will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them."

Friendship

"I'm not an old, experienced hand at politics. But I am now seasoned enough to have learned that the hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning."

Politics

"After four years at the United Nations I sometimes yearn for the peace and tranquillity of a political convention."

Peace

"That which seems the height of absurdity in one generation often becomes the height of wisdom in another."

Wisdom

"I have tried to talk about the issues in this campaign... and this has sometimes been a lonely road, because I never meet anybody coming the other way."

Politics

"All progress has resulted from people who took unpopular positions."

People

"Nature is indifferent to the survival of the human species, including Americans."

Nature

"Laws are never as effective as habits."

Habit

"If the Republicans will stop telling lies about the Democrats, we will stop telling the truth about them."

Truth

"The hardest thing about any political campaign is how to win without proving that you are unworthy of winning."

Winning