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"Sometimes the only way to make palatable that which is appalling and apprehensive is to season it with some humor."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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"We both can be the most beautiful and benevolent creatures on the planet, but then there's another side that can be as harsh and as ugly as the darkest thing you could imagine seeing."
Ugly

"Every one of us is an artist, and as an artist, you really can stroll into any venue that you want, as long as you take your time to learn the etiquette of that venue."
Time

"Every little job becomes a dream, and you don't recall it anymore, and maybe you might have a deja vu moment, but it's like something you dreamed earlier."
Dream

"You just drop a character like this that and the other and it's done."
Character

"The reason that I'm an actor, or an artist, is ultimately because I'm trying to paint a self-portrait, and the most complete and beautiful self-portrait that you can."
Actor

"And I'm very surprised that all this stuff actually worked out to where I could have a career in film, gain the benefit of my education, and be thankful that I was able to break into my craft as an actor."
Education

"We call the Creator father, because we rely upon Him to protect us, guide us, feed us, keep us warm, to discipline us and all those things. I try to take my cue from the Creator, with regard to my children."
Father

"The purpose of my life is being a father to my kids and being a husband to my wife."
Life

"Don't just view me as an actor."
Actor

"And when I stopped doing that and started thinking about what feels natural and what feels right to me and started pleasing myself, then it became good."
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