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"The nation that complacently and fearfully allows its artists and writers to become suspected rather than respected is no longer regarded as a nation possessed with humor or depth."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development

"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development

"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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"Sixty minutes of thinking of any kind is bound to lead to confusion and unhappiness."
Confusion

"Progress was all right. Only it went on too long."
Progress

"You can fool too many of the people too much of the time."
Time

"Love is the strange bewilderment that overtakes one person on account of another person."
Love

"Humor is a serious thing. I like to think of it as one of our greatest earliest natural resources, which must be preserved at all cost."
Humor

"We all have faults, and mine is being wicked."
Being

"It's a naive domestic Burgundy without any breeding, but I think you'll be amused by its presumption."
Breeding

"Man has gone long enough, or even too long, without being man enough to face the simple truth that the trouble with man is man."
Truth

"But what is all this fear of and opposition to Oblivion? What is the matter with the soft Darkness, the Dreamless Sleep?"
Fear

"The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself, but in so doing, he identifies himself with people - that is, people everywhere, not for the purpose of taking them apart, but simply revealing their true nature."
Nature
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