"A banker is a man who lends you an umbrella when the weather is fair and takes it away from you when it rains."

Humor, Rain, Help, Irony

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"A banker is a man who lends you an umbrella when the weather is fair and takes it away from you when it rains."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I think that in the future, clocks won't say three o'clock anymore. They'll just get right to the point and rename three o'clock 'Pepsi.'"

Doug Coupland, Canadian Author

Humor, Clocks, Future, Right

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Laughter, Sanity, Life

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Death, Sarcasm, Mortality

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Accident, Creativity, Surprise

Explore more quotes by Anonymous

"A picture is a voiceless poem, a poem is a vocal picture."

Art

"Arguing with one's self is beneficial.Out of all the million voices in my head screaming for your death, you're lucky I heeded the one that wants to spare you this time."

Emotional

"For the rest, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever modest, whatsoever just, whatsoever holy, whatsoever lovely, whatsoever of good fame, if there be any virtue, if any praise of discipline: think on these things."

Spiritual

"Happiness is not the absence of conflict but the ability to cope with it."

Emotional

"I left journalism because I met too many interesting people at an uninteresting salary."

Social

"A lie is a lieeven if everyone believes it."

Truth

"At times, the confident lose confidence, the patient lose their cool, the generous act selfish, and the knowledgeable second guess what they know. And guess what? We're all human. We all make mistakes, we lose our tempers, and we get caught off guard. We stumble, we slip, and we spin out of control sometimes. But that's usually the worst of it. We all have our moments. Most of the time, we're remarkable. So stand beside the people you love through their trying times of imperfection, and offer yourself the same courtesy. For more tips on how to live a productive life, read "The Angel Affect" and join the mission."

Emotional

"A sense of humor is what makes you laugh at something that would make you mad if it happened to you."

Emotional

"Do not judge. You don't know what storm i've asked her to walk through."

Empathy

"Before you judge a man, walk a mile in his shoes. That way, you will be a mile away from him, and you will have his shoes."

Empathy