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"Academics tend to have wonderfully infantile senses of humor."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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"I can't imagine doing an hour-long dramatic series because it's so much work. A sitcom is a wonderful gig. You work from 10 to 4 every day, it's fun, and you get to live at home."
Home
"I'd sleep under a Vermeer."
Sleep
"What you aspire to on a sitcom is the feeling of live comedy."
Comedy
"Academics tend to have wonderfully infantile senses of humor."
Humor
"In animation, there's this exhilarating moment of discovery when you see the film and you say, Oh THAT'S what I was doing."
Animation
"Take care, be kind, be considerate of other people and other species, and be loving."
People
"I have a lot of faith in people."
Faith
"It's a very tough time for the playwright. Broadway has become almost a musical comedy theme park with all these long-running shows."
Time
"Up there with my awards, I have a great big statue of Groucho Marx, just to put everything in perspective."
Awards
"Look at the darkest hit musicals - Cabaret, West Side Story, Carousel - they are exuberant experiences. They send you out of the theater filled with music."
Music
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