"To be famous, in fact, one has only to kill one's landlady."

Humor, Fact, Famous

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"To be famous, in fact, one has only to kill one's landlady."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Regret, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

Rick Riordan, American Novelist

Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Absurdity, Disappearance, Bizarre

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

Kenneth Grahame, Scottish Novelist

Humor, Speech

"You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke," Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham."

Margaret Atwood, Canadian Novelist

Humor, Trust, Acting, Performance, Judgment

"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Madness, Science

Explore more quotes by Albert Camus

"At the beginning of a pestilence and when it ends, there's always a propensity for rhetoric. In the first case, habits have not yet been lost; in the second, they're returning. It is in the thick of a calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence."

History

"The cats sleep for days at a time and make love from the first star until dawn. Their pleasures are fierce, and their sleep impenetrable. And they know that the body has a soul in which the soul has no part."

Nature

"For centuries the death penalty, often accompanied by barbarous refinements, has been trying to hold crime in check; yet crime persists. Why? Because the instincts that are warring in man are not, as the law claims, constant forces in a state of equilibrium."

Death

"We get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking. In that race which daily hastens us towards death, the body maintains its irreparable lead."

Philosophy

"We rarely confide in those who are better than we are."

Relationship

"Thinking is learning all over again how to see, directing one's consciousness, making of every image a privileged place."

Learning

"I would like to be able to breathe- to be able to love her by memory or fidelity. But my heart aches. I love you continuously, intensely."

Love

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Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"

"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."

"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."

"You always do good ones. We trust you, Mr. Duke," Says Dylan. Foolish lads, thinks Felix: never trust a professional ham."

Explore more quotes by Albert Camus

"I rebel, therefore I exist."

"To write is to become disinterested. There is a certain renunciation in art."

"There is do much sttuborn hope in a human heart."

"At the beginning of a pestilence and when it ends, there's always a propensity for rhetoric. In the first case, habits have not yet been lost; in the second, they're returning. It is in the thick of a calamity that one gets hardened to the truth - in other words, to silence."

"The cats sleep for days at a time and make love from the first star until dawn. Their pleasures are fierce, and their sleep impenetrable. And they know that the body has a soul in which the soul has no part."

"For centuries the death penalty, often accompanied by barbarous refinements, has been trying to hold crime in check; yet crime persists. Why? Because the instincts that are warring in man are not, as the law claims, constant forces in a state of equilibrium."

"We get into the habit of living before acquiring the habit of thinking. In that race which daily hastens us towards death, the body maintains its irreparable lead."

"We rarely confide in those who are better than we are."

"Thinking is learning all over again how to see, directing one's consciousness, making of every image a privileged place."

"I would like to be able to breathe- to be able to love her by memory or fidelity. But my heart aches. I love you continuously, intensely."