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"To be famous, in fact, one has only to kill one's landlady."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development

"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
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Personal Development

"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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"To insure the adoration of a theorem for any length of time, faith is not enough, a police force is needed as well."
Leadership

"By definition, a government has no conscience. Sometimes it has a policy, but nothing more."
Politics

"Freedom is nothing but a chance to be better."
Freedom

"When you have really exhausted an experience you always reverence and love it."
Wisdom

"Don't let them tell us stories."
Communication

"The only real progress lies in learning to be wrong all alone."
Wisdom

"One leader, one people, signifies one master and millions of slaves."
Leadership

"Real generosity toward the future lies in giving all to the present."
Leadership

"Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves."
Friendship

"Retaliation is related to nature and instinct, not to law. Law, by definition, cannot obey the same rules as nature."
Nature
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