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"What a sense of superiority it gives one to escape reading some book which everyone else is reading."
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"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."
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Personal Development
"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."
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Personal Development
"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."
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Personal Development
"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""
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Personal Development
"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
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Personal Development
"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
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Personal Development
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
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Personal Development
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
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Personal Development
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
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Personal Development
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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Personal Development
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"Though I have no productive worth, I have a certain value as an indestructible quantity."
Self-Worth
"I make it a rule always to believe compliments implicitly for five minutes, and to simmer gently for twenty more."
Self-Worth
"The success or failure of a life, as far as posterity goes, seems to lie in the more or less luck of seizing the right moment of escape."
Success
"What a sense of superiority it gives one to escape reading some book which everyone else is reading."
Humor
"I suppose one has a greater sense of intellectual degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience."
Experience
"One has a greater sense of degradation after an interview with a doctor than from any human experience."
Experience
"You must remember that a woman, by nature, needs much less to feed upon than a man, a few emotions and she is satisfied."
Nature
"The difficulty about all this dying, is that you can't tell a fellow anything about it, so where does the fun come in?"
Death
"How sick one gets of being "good," how much I should respect myself if I could burst out and make everyone wretched for twenty-four hours; embody selfishness."
Being
"I wonder whether if I had an education I should have been more or less a fool that I am."
Education
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