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Humor Quotes
"Coz," he said. "You really must learn to shut your mouth from time to time. You'll taste less shoe letter."
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"Whoa, who was that?'Madison Stone, Kiara mutters.'Introduce me to her.'Why?Because I know it'll annoy the shit out of you."
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"Yesterday Allison bought me nail polish in the annoying shade of mauve. How can anyone look at me and think mauve?"
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"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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"GPS has saved countless relationships because us men do not like to ask for directions. Now if women could only come with relationship GPS we would be one step closer to world peace."
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"If the goddess-and that would be me, by the way-is displeased, you'll get bats in your hair and mice in your boots."
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"You are so going down for that.' He grabbed the keys and headed back to the road. 'When you least expect it,' he added over his shoulder.'I'm shaking in my shoes,' she called out.'You're not wearing any.'Exactly.'Damn, he liked this girl."
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"I think if Jeremy Corbyn got a cloak, he'd make a very good Gandalf."
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"Luc blinked innocently. That little fuck. "I gave you a piece of opal and a Luxen to nom-nom on."
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"That woman doesn't have the sense God gave a retarded flea."
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"People will laugh at anything, except their own moronic self."
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"Try it on.''It's probably a little snug. Marcie tends to buy down when it comes to sizing.' He merely smiled.'It has a slit up the thigh.' His smile depened.'Zip it up?'Patch's eyes made a slow assessment of me, sharpening to vivid black. 'I'm going to have a hard time sending you off with Scott in that dress. Just a heads-up, if you come home and the dress looks even slightly tampered with, I will track Scott down, and when I find him, it won't be pretty."
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"Neither sleet nor rain nor a half inch of snow will compel me to dress like a lumberjack."
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"Eating pizza is like having a little heaven in your nose. Wait, that's not what you eat pizza with. I always get it confused with pizza-pie."
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"You have to understand, having a good time is not my idea of having a good time."
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"James started to laugh. His chin hurt where she'd smacked him twice, his foot throbbed where she'd stepped on it, and his entire body felt as if he'd swum through a rosebush, which wasn't as far off the truth as it sounded. Yet still he started to laugh."
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"If you want to know what's going on, keep your mind in the fridge or it might go off."
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"It's always funny that you can try and try again to steal all your critics' ammo, predict their responses, but no matter what, they'll still have a water gun stashed somewhere."
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"New Rule: If you're one of the one-in-three married women who say your pet is a better listener than your husband, you talk too much. And I have some bad news for you: Your dog's not listening, either; he's waiting for food to fall out of your mouth."
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"All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure."
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"What is the victory of a cat on a hot tin roof?-I wish I knew... Just staying on it, I guess, as long as she can..."
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"What do you think is the problem? You're a cute kid-uh, guy. Man. You're a cuteman."
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"At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue's opinion, was far more hellish than anything they'd discussed to this point."
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"He made a sound of disgust in the back of his throat. "Oh thank you so much. That's what every man wants to hear about his name. You might as well call me 'Little Pecker' while you're at it and tell me you would love to have me go shopping with you for feminine hygiene products. Oh and by all means, carry a big, sparkling pink bag with flowers on it and make me hold it."
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"Souris says you wanted to see me, so here I am. Talk quick before I decide to beat the shit out of you and throw your bloody carcass back across the International Date Line."
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"You can be merry with the king, you can share a joke with him. But as Thomas More used to say, it's like sporting with a tamed lion. You tousle its mane and pull its ears, but all the time you're thinking, those claws, those claws, those claws."
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