"Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble!"

Humor, Patience, Life, Consumer

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"Hi! I'm Ethan, I shop at Ikea. I bought a $300 dining suite and it took me three days to assemble!"

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I've accepted the fact I have mental illness but when my imaginary friends start calling me crazy that's where I draw the line."

Stanley Victor Paskavich, American Politician

Humor, Mental, Friend, Imagination

"Crap, are you thinking what I'm thinking?""I'm thinking we have about fifteen vampires and no blood," Claire said. "Is that it?""No, I was thinking we're out of chips. Of course that's what I was thinking."

Rachel Caine, Canadian Actress

Humor, Blood, Survival, Friendship

"Got a lot of sinful idears--but they seem kinda sensible."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Sin, Idea, Truth

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Never stay up on the barren heights of cleverness, but come down into the green valleys of silliness."

Ludwig Wittgenstein, Austrian Philosopher

Humor, Cleverness

"I wonder what fool it was that first invented kissing."

Jonathan Swift, Irish Writer

Humor, First, Fool, Kissing, Wonder

"If we couldn't laugh we would all go insane."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Laughter, Sanity, Life

"If they gave him an enema, he could be buried in a matchbox."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Death, Sarcasm, Mortality

"Name the greatest of all inventors: Accident."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, Accident, Creativity, Surprise

"If I knew what two and two were " I would say Four!"

Idries Shah, Indian Author

Humor, Simplicity, Logic, Numbers

Explore more quotes by Doug Coupland

"Technology favors horrible people."

Technology

"Good-looking people with strong, fluoridated teeth get things handed to them on platters."

People

"Figure out what it is in life you don't do well, and then don't do it."

Life

"Sometimes the best lighting of all is a power failure."

Power

"With Google I'm starting to burn out on knowing the answer to everything. People in the year 2020 are going to be nostalgic for the sensation of feeling clueless."

People

"The time you feel lonely is the time you most need to be by yourself."

Time

"Never loan a book to someone if you expect to get it back. Loaning books is the same as giving them away."

Books

"If I think too much about all of those Chinese factories where all the stuff in a Wal-Mart is made, I get that woozy feeling you get when you see ducks covered in crude oil."

Emotional

"We want our idols to be dead because it makes death a much less scary place."

Death

"In the future, torture will once again become the recreational sport of the rich."

Future