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"The orchestra had ceased and were now climbing onto their chairs, with their instruments. The floral offerings flew; the coffin teetered. "Catch it!" a voice shouted. They sprang forward, but the coffin crashed heavily to the floor, coming open. The corpse tumbled slowly and sedately out and came to rest with its face in the center of a wreath. "Play something!" the proprietor bawled, waving his arms; "play! Play!"
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
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Personal Development

"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
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Personal Development

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development

"Some people make spectacles of themselves with a couple of glasses."
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Personal Development

"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development

"It's not that I really cheat at golf. I play for my health and a low score makes me feel better."
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Personal Development

"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
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Personal Development

"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."
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Personal Development

"Playing Solitaire is a non-smoking employee's smoke break."
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Personal Development
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"I have found that the greatest help in meeting any problem is to know where you yourself stand. That is, to have in words what you believe and are acting from."
Wisdom


"I don't think anybody can teach anybody anything. I think that you learn it, but the young writer that is as I say demon-driven and wants to learn and has got to write, he don't know why, he will learn from almost any source that he finds. He will learn from older people who are not writers, he will learn from writers, but he learns it -- you can't teach it."
Creativity


"Clocks slay time... time is dead as long as it is being clicked off by little wheels; only when the clock stops does time come to life."
Time


"I will never lie again."
Truth


"Though children can accept adults as adults, adults can never accept children as anything but adults too."
Society


"Freedom comes with the decision: it does not wait for the act."
Freedom


"Only fools imply compliments. The wise man comes right out with it, point-blank. Imply criticism--unless the criticized isn't within earshot."
Manners


"When it's a matter of not-do, I reckon a man can trust himself for advice. But when it comes to a matter of doing, I reckon a fellow had better listen to all the advice he can get."
Wisdom


"It's always the idle habits you acquire which you will regret. Father said that. That Christ was not crucified: he was worn away by a minute clicking of little wheels. That had no sister."
Regret


"You don't love because: you love despite; not for the virtues, but despite the faults."
Love
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