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Humor Quotes
"A woman who has a sense of humor possesses no refuge from the merciless truth about herself. She cannot think herself misunderstood. She cannot revel in self-pity. She cannot comfortably damn any one who differs from her."
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"Here you are. Would you like some pickles?"Pickles gives me the wind something awful."In that case-"Oh, I wasn't saying no, Mistress Weatherwax said, taking two large pickled cucumbers."
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"If a pot can multiply. One day Nasrudin lent his cooking pots to a neighbour, who was giving a feast. The neighbour returned them, together with one extra one " a very tiny pot. 'What is this?' asked Nasrudin. 'According to law, I have given you the offspring of your property which was born when the pots were in my care,' said the joker. Shortly afterwards Nasrudin borrowed his neighbour's pots, but did not return them. The man came round to get them back. 'Alas!' said Nasrudin, 'they are dead. We have established, have we not, that pots are mortal?'."
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"We both want you dead. I'm bringing the friendship bracelets to the next meeting."
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"Can the sarcasm,' he said. 'Please, I always use fresh sarcasm, never canned."
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"I always like a dog so long as he isn't spelled backward."
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"Sometimes talking to you is like talking to myself: pretty damned annoying."
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"I had no name for that particular hue of orange, other than unfortunate."
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"All laughing comes from misapprehension. Rightly looked at there is no laughable thing under the sun."
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"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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"It is hard to look a hero when mounted on a pig."
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"This is a perfect pair - he's a hypochondriac and she's a pill."
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"I love religious nuts. They make me remember I have them too. So, being a health nut, I scratch them religiously. Just as I do my butt."
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"That would be Axelroot all over, to turn up with an extra wife or two claiming that's how they do it here. Maybe he's been in Africa so long he's forgotten that we Christians have our own system of marriage, and it's called Monotony."
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"Human: That's stupid. Isn't there grass on both sides?"
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"I tell you: one must still have chaos in oneself to give birth to a dancing star. I tell you: you still have chaos in yourselves."
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"Mia,' she whispered. I turned around. 'What?' I whispered back.She smiled at me a little. 'LEEERRROOOY JEEENNKKIINNNSS!' she shouted, then spun around and ran toward the Z's in the lighting section."
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"You won't enjoy it," sighed Crowley. "It's been in the car for more than a fortnight." A heavy bass beat began to thump through the Bentley as they sped past Heathrow. Aziraphale's brow furrowed. "I don't recognize this," he said. "What is it?" "It's Tchaikovsky's 'Another One Bites the Dust'," said Crowley, closing his eyes as they went through Slough. To while away the time as they crossed the sleeping Chilterns, they also listened to William Byrd's "We Are the Champions" and Beethoven's "I Want To Break Free." Neither were as good as Vaughan Williams's "Fat-Bottomed Girls."
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"And all I could do while I listened to this dude tell me how punk rock saved his life was think, Wow. Why did my friend waste all that time going to chemotherapy? I guess we should have just played him a bunch of shitty Black Flag records."
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