"Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired."

Humor, Work, God, End, Man

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"Man - a creature made at the end of the week's work when God was tired."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Anthony Liccione, American Author

Humor, Trust, Mistake, Learning

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Michael Bassey Johnson, Nigerian Philosopher

Humor, Comedy, Stupidity, Life, Love

"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Confusion, Logic, Irony

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

C. JoyBell C., American Author

Humor, Self, Life, Joy

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Richelle Mead, American Author

Humor, Dance, Sex, Judgment

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Women, Needs, Attention

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Humor, Weight, Warning, Technology

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Matshona Dhliwayo, Zimbabwean Philosopher

Humor, Marriage, Change, Responsibility, Life

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Chuck Palahniuk, American Novelist

Humor, Death, Danger, Irony

"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."

Charles Bukowski, American Author

Humor, Action, Life, Absurdity

Explore more quotes by Mark Twain

"Part of the secret of a success in life is to eat what you like and let the food fight it out inside."

Happiness, Food, Life, Success, Fight

"The highest perfection of politeness is only a beautiful edifice, built, from the base to the dome, of graceful and gilded forms of charitable and unselfish lying."

Society, Politeness, Lying, Charity, Social

"Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry."

Inspirational, Will

"When we think of friends, and call their faces out of the shadows, and their voices out of the echoes that faint along the corridors of memory, and do it without knowing why save that we love to do it, we content ourselves that that friendship is a Reality, and not a Fancy--that it is builded upon a rock, and not upon the sands that dissolve away with the ebbing tides and carry their monuments with them."

Friendship, Friends, Memory, Love, Reality

"Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it."

Truth,

"The more I learn about people, the more I like my dog."

Friendship, People, Learning, Companionship

"It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand."

Spiritual, Bible

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it."

Humor, Saying

"You cannot surprise an individual more than twice with the same marvel."

Experience, Surprise, Individual, Life

"The history of our race, and each individual's experience, are sown thick with evidence that a truth is not hard to kill and that a lie told well is immortal."

Truth, History, Lie, Experience