top of page
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham

"They ordered punch. They drank it. It was hot rum punch. The pen falters when it attempts to treat of the excellence thereof; the sober vocabulary, the sparse epithet of this narrative, are inadequate to the task; and pompous term, jewelled, exotic phrases rise to the excited fancy. It warmed the blood and cleared the head; it filled the soul with well-being; it disposed the mind at once to utter wit, and to appreciate the wit of others; it had the vagueness of music and the precision of mathematics. Only one of its qualities was comparable to anything else; it had the warmth of a good heart; but its taste, its smell, its feel, were not to be described in words."

Standard 
 Customized
"They ordered punch. They drank it. It was hot rum punch. The pen falters when it attempts to treat of the excellence thereof; the sober vocabulary, the sparse epithet of this narrative, are inadequate to the task; and pompous term, jewelled, exotic phrases rise to the excited fancy. It warmed the blood and cleared the head; it filled the soul with well-being; it disposed the mind at once to utter wit, and to appreciate the wit of others; it had the vagueness of music and the precision of mathematics. Only one of its qualities was comparable to anything else; it had the warmth of a good heart; but its taste, its smell, its feel, were not to be described in words."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."

Quote_1.png
Donna Grant

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."

Explore more quotes by W. Somerset Maugham

Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"It is not true that suffering ennobles the character; happiness does that sometimes, but suffering for the most part, makes men petty and vindictive."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"A Unitarian very earnestly disbelieves what everyone else believes."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"An unfortunate thing about this world is that the good habits are much easier to give up than the bad ones."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"Himself an ugly man, insignificantof appearance, he prized very highly comeliness in others."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"It looked as though you did not act in a certain way because you thought in a certain way, but rather you thought in a certain way because you were made in a certain way. Truth had nothing to do with it."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"It was such a lovely day I thought it a pity to get up."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"I'll give you my opinion of the human race in a nutshell... their heart's in the right place, but their head is a thoroughly inefficient organ."
Quote_1.png
W. Somerset Maugham
"You know, there are two good things in life, freedom of thought and freedom of action."
bottom of page