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Humor Quotes
"Oh, Wax has always been solemn, but when he's at his best, there's a smirk underneath."
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"You just wanted to walk in front of me so I'd have to stare at your butt."
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"Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math."
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"I have great respect for the semicolon it is a mighty handy little fellow."
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"Yeah, well. I don't try to be awesome. It just comes natural."
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"Put some clothes on, you weird, yellow-eyed, table-dancing, werewolf-training, cryptic, stare-me-right-in-the-eyes-and-don't-even-blink wench."
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"But that quickly faded, and he frowned. "You're bleeding," he said. "What happened?"Claire sighed and held up her wrist to show him the bandage. "Man, you would be so embarrassed if I said it was something else." Michael looked blank. "I'm a girl, Michael, it could have been all natural, you know. Tampons?"
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"Did you talk to him about it?""Oh, sure. Nothing happened, yadda yadda. The usual. But my maydar went off like crazy.""Maydar?""As in, he may be thinking about super hot sex with her. Like radar, only not as sure."
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"In the name of Bacon will you chicken me up that egg.Shall I swallow cave-phantoms?"
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"These days, "getting lucky means drinking an entire cup of COFFEE while it's still HOT!"
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"Men seldom make passes At girls who wear glasses."
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"He looked like those paintings of baby angels - what do you call them, hubbubs? No cherubs. That's it. He looked like a cherub who'd turned middle-aged in a trailer park."
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"Apparently it takes, like, forty-seven muscles to frown. Flippin' the bird' s a hell of a lot easier."
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"My other hand?' Lopen said. 'The one that was cut off long ago, eaten by a fearsome beast? It is making a rude gesture toward you right now. I thought you would want to know, so you can prepare to be insulted."
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"You'll want something mid-range. A 5.56 all right?""I suppose.""AR-15?""Ugh. AR-15? I'd rather not have my gun break down on me every second week." Besides, every wannabe and their dog had an M16 or M4 variant these days."G7.""Not accurate enough.""FAL?""A 7.62? Maybe," I said. "Though I hate the triggers.""As picky as a woman with her shoes," Abraham grumbled."Hey," I said. "That's insulting." I knew plenty of women who were pickier with their guns than they were with their shoes."
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"Nina was about to snap that she didn't appreciate the sarcasm when she saw the expression on his face. He looked like someone had just given him a tuba full of puppies."
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"Ash is going to kick your ass, Daemon."Daemon's grin went up a notch. "Nah, she likes my ass too much for that."
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"The covers of this book are too far apart."
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"You'd be surprised how many people in the modern age no longer fear zombies as much as teletubies."
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"I'm being ironic. Don't interrupt a man in the midst of being ironic, it's not polite. There!"
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"Tag opened the door to his knock, and with a look of disappointment, peered behind Wade."You got someone better coming over?" Wade asked him."Pizza," Tag said."
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"The secret to enjoying your job is to have a hobby that's even worse."
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"You might be an introvert if you were ready to go home before you left the house."
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"You don't need to be smarter, you just need dumber friends."
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"If I looked like him, Tara said. "I'd want to have sex with myself. All the time."
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"Fluttershyes are like regular shyes, only shinier, and, apparently - also shyer. Whenever petted - they don't flutter, but run away instead."
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"I guess I can't blame him for feeling bitter. Going from being the terror of Bulgarian nights to a janitor would kinda suck."
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"Myrnin came in from the back room, carrying a load of books, which he dropped with aloud bang on the floor to glare at the two of them. "Excuse me," he said, "but when did my labbecome appropriate for snogging?""What's snogging?" Shane asked."Ridiculous displays of inappropriate affection in front of me. Roughly translated. Andwhat are you doing here?"
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"I set the coffee aside and got a cup of water instead. I could never see why people drank that stuff. It tasted like soil boiled in mud, wit a topping of dirt."
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"I lean against my sister's shoulder. "I thought lightning wasn't supposed to strike in the same place twice.""Sure it does," Izzy tells me. "But only if you're too dumb to move."
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"It isn't often that Aunt Dahlia lets her angry passions rise, but when she does, strong men climb trees and pull them up after them."
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"What do you know of poetry? Ambrose said without bothering to turn around. "I know a limping verse when I hear it, I said. "But this isn't even limping. A limp has rhythm. This is more like someone falling down a set of stairs. Uneven stairs. With a midden at the bottom. "It is a sprung rhythm, he said, his voice stiff and offended. "I wouldn't expect you to understand. "Sprung? I burst out with an incredulous laugh. "I understand that if I saw a horse with a leg this badly 'sprung,' I'd kill it out of mercy, then burn its poor corpse for fear the local dogs might gnaw on it and die."
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"Mario, what do you get when you cross an insomniac, an unwilling agnostic and a dyslexic?""I give.""You get someone who stays up all night torturing himself mentally over the question of whether or not there's a dog."
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