"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it."

Humor, America

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"It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"I've been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog."

Whitney M. Young, American Activist

Humor, Blind

"Sometimes absurd logic can be amusing and heart-touching."

Debasish Mridha, American Author

Humor, Logic, Absurd, Heart, Amusement

"I think at its best the American sense of humor is the same as the British sense of humor at its best, which is to be wry and ironic and self deprecating."

Simon Pegg, British Comedian

Humor, American, Self, Sense

"You can turn your back on a person, but never turn your back on a drug, especially when its waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye."

Hunter S. Thompson, American Journalist

Humor, Eye, Hunting

"Alimony: the cash surrender value of a husband."

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Alimony, Husband, Money, Law

"Beware of giggle grins, they are highly contagious."

Richelle E. Goodrich, American Poet

Humor, Happiness, Truth, Wisdom

"When I reprimanded my son for hair like Michael Jackson he said: "I don't see the problem you wear yours like Michael Jordan.""

Anonymous, Unknown Unknown

Humor, Hair, Identity, Funny

"I detest life-insurance agents: they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so."

Stephen Leacock, Canadian Economist

Humor, Life, Day

"God, you had enough time to have been through it three times. You've been through my stuff. I bet you over and let one of you stick the world's longest finger up my ass. If a prostate check is an exam, that was a motherfucking safari. I was scared to look down. I thought I'd see that guy's finger nail sticking out of my cock."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Regret, Truth, Wisdom, Power

"There's folks 'ud stand on their heads and then say the fault was i' their boots."

George Eliot, British Author

Humor, Fault, Responsibility, Blame

Explore more quotes by Mark Twain

"Ignorant people think it is the noise which fighting cats make that is so aggravating, but it ain't so; it is the sickening grammar that they use."

Language

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."

Wisdom

"Only one thing is impossible for God: To find any sense in any copyright law on the planet."

Wisdom

"I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up."

Wisdom

"Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do."

Life

"Hain't we got all the fools in town on our side? And ain't that a big enough majority for any town?"

Society

"One must travel, to learn. Every day, now, old Scriptural phrases that never possessed any significance for me before, take to themselves a meaning."

Learning

"I had to have company -- I was made for it, I think -- so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the kindest disposition and the politest ways; they never look sour, they never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they've got one, and they are always ready for a romp or an excursion or anything you want to propose."

Friendship

"The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up."

Happiness

"In the afternoon the ship's company assembled aft, on deck, under the awnings; the flute, the asthmatic meodeon, and the consumptive clarinet crippled the Star Spangled Banner, the choir chased it to cover, and George came in with a peculiarly lacerating screech on the final note and slaughtered it. Nobody mourned. We carried out the corpse on three cheers (that joke was not intentional and I do not endorse it)."

Humor