"I am the foremost collector of velvet Elvii in the city of Chicago," I said at once. "Elvii?" Marcone inquired."The plural would be Elvises, I guess," I said. "But if I say that too often, I start muttering to myself and calling things 'my precious,' so I usually go with the Latin plural."

Humor, Identity, Obsession, Personality

9

Create Your Own Wallpaper

Standard

Customized

"I am the foremost collector of velvet Elvii in the city of Chicago," I said at once. "Elvii?" Marcone inquired."The plural would be Elvises, I guess," I said. "But if I say that too often, I start muttering to myself and calling things 'my precious,' so I usually go with the Latin plural."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"

John Green, American Author

Humor, Social, Truth, Life

"CHARTERIS [unfolding his arms in terror] No, please. Dont. As a philosopher, it's my business to tell other people the truth; but it's not their business to tell it to me. I dont like it: it hurts."

George Bernard Shaw, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Philosophy, Truth, Hurt, Irony

"How was I supposed to know 'lucked out' means 'I got screwed over' in Australian?"

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Culture, Observation, Learning

"I believe the phrase you're looking for is 'too much money and not enough things to spend it on."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Wealth, Excess, Irony, Consumption

"Where did you find that one?''I have no idea. I'm a magnet for crazies, I guess.''They must be able to sense a kindred spirit.''Your one to talk. Don't you have more hordes of the undead to lead in a glorious revolution?''Zombies not undead. There's a fine distinction. And no. Right now I'm scouting new talent. The glorious revolution comes tomorrow."

Kiersten White, American Author

Humor, Fiction, Creativity, Observation

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice."

Albert Einstein, German Scientist

Humor, Contempt, Music, Order

"When the first book out my sister-in-law read it and we were chatting at 5 o'clock in the afternoon and she said, "Oh my God, chapter six, sex and a murder," and her five year old wandered into the kitchen and said, "Sixty hamburgers?"

Sara Sheridan, Scottish Author

Humor, Writing, Family, Books

"Let's put it this way: you know how we always told you that all those years of tormenting four sisters turned you into a closet sadist? Well, if you ever decide that being a lawyer isn't bringing you the kind of gratification you were hoping for, then I think I found the perfect job for you."

Elle Lothlorien, American Novelist

Humor, Sarcasm, Career, Personality

"I wasn't sure what was worse: being oblivious or living within reality. (Eric)"

Shannon A. Thompson, American Author

Humor, Perception, Confusion, Identity, Awareness

"Negative humor is forgotten immediately. It's the stuff that makes us feel better about our lives that lives long. Much more satisfying. Enter children's books."

Berkeley Breathed, American Cartoonist

Humor, Negative, Books, Children

Explore more quotes by Jim Butcher

"It bothered me that he was right. Without Sir Stuart's intervention, I'd have been dead again already.That's right--you heard me: dead again already.I mean, come on. How screwed up is your life (after- or otherwise) when you find yourself needing phrases like that?"

Afterlife

"Don't mess with a wizard when he's wizarding!"

Fantasy

"What the hell kind of Hell was this supposed to be?"

Afterlife

"Most of the bad guys in the real world don't know that they are bad guys. You don't get a flashing warning sign that you're about to damn yourself. It sneaks up on you when you aren't looking."

Evil

"Life would be unbearably dull if we had answers to all our questions."

Life

"But I don't understand God. I don't understand how he could see the way people treat one another, and not chalk up the whole human race as a bad idea."

Faith

"When I started, I was pretty sure I was going to be writing some goofy little wizard novels that might make me some part-time money and would hopefully lead to something I could do better."

Writing

"Coz," he said. "You really must learn to shut your mouth from time to time. You'll taste less shoe letter."

Humor

"There is no spoon."

Illusion

"How long have you been a Wiccan?''A what?''A pagan. A witch.''I'm not a witch,' I said, glancing out the door. 'I'm a wizard.'Sanya frowned. 'What is the difference?''Wizard has a Z'He looked at me blankly.'No one appreciates me.' I muttered."

Identity