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"Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week?"
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development
"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
"Laughter is carbonated holiness."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, I said, "you obviously have some power. You chased off those hooligans with rotten fruit. Perhaps you have banana-kinesis? Or you can control garbage? I once knew a Roman goddess, Cloacina, who presided over the city's sewer system. Perhaps you're related? Meg pouted. I got the impression I might have said something wrong, though I couldn't imagine what."
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Personal Development
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"It was definitely a rare situation where a career had started and ended simultaneously on a very high note."
Achievement
"There is no point in housing troubles inside your underwear if you can't solve them by yourself."
Wisdom
"The loss of a reliance on others often helpfully forces a more sophisticated rumination that enables the opening of previously unknown avenues."
Independence
"Sometimes fate just plays a strange scrabble."
Philosophy
"O woman, thou art my imperfection!"
Passion
"A goatee is to beards what diamonds are to ornaments."
Aesthetics
"There is no God for sure, else how could one justify terminal diseases in small kids?"
Philosophy
"Tonight is going to be a big night, like any other night, because certain 10 million Americans will not be able to sleep well tonight."
Experience
"Is that the biggest favor your vocal cords have done to anyone this week?"
Humor
"A life without sweets is not much worth living."
Life
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