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Humor Quotes
"James - "Are you paying attention or just trying to make me look like an idoit?"Elizabeth - "Oh, I'm definately paying attention. If you look like an idiot it has nothing to do with me."
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"Don't start. I saw Marcie climb inside your Jeep.'She needed a ride.I adopted a hands-on-hips pose. 'What kind of ride?'Not that kind of ride, he said slowly."
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"You look as scary as a buttered muffin."
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"That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you."
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"If I had a shiny gun I could have a world of fun Speeding bullets through the brains Of the folks that cause me pains :)"
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"We were in the middle of a scene, and this crazy woman comes roaring out of the crowd, screaming, grabs my whip, and damned if she didn't punch me. Rubbing his reddened chin, the man's lips curved a little. "It's almost funny, but still, she ruined our scene."
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"He's as nutty as a vegan T-bone."
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"Don't make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you."
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"If you find a book you like on Amazon, please buy it somewhere else!"
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"Yo, Dekko, who do I gotta blow around here to get a shower?"
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"Jev stroked his chin. 'Do I look like a summer fling?"
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"You dress to impress'. 'No Angel, I undress to impress.'"
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"Dios mio, I think my brother lost his balls somewhere between here and Mexico. Or maybe Brittany has them zipped inside that fancy purse (of hers)."
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"Don"t gaze too hard at your belly button Or you will unexpectedly hit rock bottom!"
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"Andrea: "....I think a dog is a great idea. I just never pictured you with a mutant poodle. Kate: "He isn't a poodle. He's a Doberman mix."Andrea: "Aha. Keep telling yourself that."
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"Shelley,' I say. 'You should've let him win. You know, to be polite.' Shelley's response is a shake of her head. Applesauce drips on her chin. 'That's the way it's going to be, huh?' I say, hoping the scene doesn't gross Alex out. Maybe I'm testing him, to see if he can handle a glimpse of my home life. If so, he's passing. 'Wait until Alex leaves. I'll show you who the checkers champion is.'My sister smiles that sweet, crooked smile of hers. It's like a thousand words put into one expression. For a moment I forget Alex is still watching me. It's so weird having him inside my life and my house. He doesn't belong, yet he doesn't seem to mind being here."
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"You call that begging? Oh, Kitten, you can do better than that..."
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"Annie looks dreamy, but she always does because she can't see farther than three feet away. Elizabeth looks vaguely angry, but she always does because she can see farther than three feet away."
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"The uglier a man's legs are, the better he plays golf. It's almost a law."
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"Only one day at public school and the bitches already made your locker rain?" she laughs. "Impressive."
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"Dallas popped his jaw. "I do not cackle. I bitch like a he-man."
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"Being a humorist is not a voluntary thing. You can tell this because in a situation where saying a funny thing will cause a lot of trouble, a humorist will still say the funny thing. No matter how inappropriate."
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"We're starting to push the envelope in terms of the expectations, and you can also have your own style, personality and sense of humor, because now we're allowed to."
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"It was one of those moments that would have had dramatic music if my life were a movie, but instead I got a radio jingle for some kind of submarine sandwich place blaring over the store's ambient stereo. The movie ofmy life must be really low-budget."
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"Jesper: "If Pekka Rollins kills us all, I'm going to get Wylan's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.Kaz: "I'll just hire Matthias' ghost to kick your ghost's ass.Matthias: "My ghost won't associate with your ghost."
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"All I know about humor is that I don't know anything about it."
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"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."
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"Butch tightened his grip on his cell and wished there were an app that let you reach through a phone and bitch slap someone."
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"At NBC I wasn't really sure if the grandparents were going to get my sense of humor on a particular topic."
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"I am a great believer that what makes our show different is the humor."
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"A lecture is an occasion when you numb one end to benefit the other."
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"You took your clothes off?''You didn't notice?''No! Jeez Louise, I don't even know you.''If you look under the covers, you'll know me better.''I don't want to know you better!''That's a big fib,' Diesel said."
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"People ask me what the most important thing to take on the race is, and I always say it's a sense of humor. If you've got nothing but a sense of humor, you will survive."
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