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"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
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Personal Development
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"A good storyteller is a person with a good memory and hopes other people haven't."
People
"As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid."
Work
"If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers."
Sense
"A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings."
Woman
"A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in."
Defence
"Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms."
Emotional
"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."
Humor
"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."
Hope
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