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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
Author Name
Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
Author Name
Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
Author Name
Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
Author Name
Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
Author Name
Personal Development
"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
Author Name
Personal Development
"I went to the kitchen and felt-up the turkey."
Author Name
Personal Development
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"We have four beautiful children and some wonderful memories."
Children
"My father was the guy on the block who said hi to everyone."
Father
"And my marriage was perfect when I wasn't famous."
Marriage
"And for my family, comedically, that was the key to a lot of the humor."
Humor
"But my kids, my brothers' kids - they think about trying to top what we did."
Brother
"The less food, the more time to talk, the more to talk about."
Time
"The show has become my therapy."
Therapy
"Some struggle is healthy. If you can embrace it rather than be angry, you can use it as your pilot light."
Light
"Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you're the one who stops yourself."
Shame
"My kids have a competitive drive I never had growing up."
Growing up
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