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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
Author Name
Personal Development

"And if I talk to him, I'll say something wrong, give something away. I can feel it coming, a betrayal of myself."
Author Name
Personal Development

"God alert!" Blackjack yelled. "It's the wine dude!Mr. D sighed in exasperation. "The next person, or horse, who calls me the 'wine dude' will end up in a bottle of Merlot!"
Author Name
Personal Development

"I always try to cheer myself up by singing when i get sad. Most of the time, it turns out that my voice is worse than my problems."
Author Name
Personal Development

"When you love someone, you don't care that she ate your sandwich. You only hope she found it delicious."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Looking for a wife is like fishing; before you go, make sure you don't have a hole in your net."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Some kleptomaniacs do not steal things only; they also, while some only, steal lovers."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely."
Author Name
Personal Development

"You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how youE1d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I donE1t think sheE1s joking."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said."
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Personal Development
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"And my marriage was perfect when I wasn't famous."
Marriage

"Some struggle is healthy. If you can embrace it rather than be angry, you can use it as your pilot light."
Light

"I never thought about being famous."
Thought

"And for my family, comedically, that was the key to a lot of the humor."
Humor

"The less food, the more time to talk, the more to talk about."
Time

"Being a celebrity, I don't even have to talk."
Being

"My father was the guy on the block who said hi to everyone."
Father

"I was 12 years old when I had my first job, delivering packages."
First

"My father is a Jehovah's Witness, and he raised us under a very strict hand."
Father

"Nobody can stop you but you. And shame on you if you're the one who stops yourself."
Shame
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