"Middle age: when you begin to exchange your emotions for symptoms."

"If writers were good businessmen, they'd have too much sense to be writers."

"As I understand it, sport is hard work for which you do not get paid."

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing trivial."

"A woman may have a witty tongue or a stinging pen but she will never laugh at her own individual shortcomings."

"A funeral eulogy is a belated plea for the defense delivered after the evidence is all in."

"A good storyteller is a person with a good memory and hopes other people haven't."

"Humor is merely tragedy standing on its head with its pants torn."