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Humor Quotes
"Mercy laughed. "You have to excuse them-boys suffer from an incurable disability. "What? "Testosterone."
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"Ummm, anyone else getting the creeps? Breccan asked. 'Okay, let's vote. Who here is in favor of daylight? Come on, show of hands. Don't be shy."
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"Jesper knocked his head against the hull and cast his eyes heavenward. "Fine. But if Pekka Rollins kills us all, I'm going to get Wylan's ghost to teach my ghost how to play the flute just so that I can annoy the hell out of your ghost.Brekker's lips quirked. "I'll just hire Matthias' ghost to kick your ghost's ass."My ghost won't associate with your ghost, Matthias said primly, and then wondered if the sea air was rotting his brain."
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"Best that all mischief be undertaken behind a squeaky door."
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"Okay, well...how's that water feeling, then?' 'Excuse me?' 'The Nile warm this time of the year?"
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"I would apologize for my rudeness, if I had any manners. Happily, I don't."
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"So, so sorry. Really sorry. Master. Sir. Emperor of the world. God of the universe."
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"The woman spoke with a heavy western North Carolina accent, which I used to discredit her authority. Here was a person for whom the word 'pen' had two syllables. He people undoubtedly drank from clay jugs and hollered for Paw when the vittles were ready-- so who was she to advise me on anything?"
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"Okay then, I suppose you get a pass on poker intimidation for the glasses, little brother. But everyone else is wearing them at the tables too, and they're all just sitting there, looking all serious, like they're birthing the Grand Theory of Everything."
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"She scowled at him until a light appeared in her intelligent eyes, as if she had had an epiphany. "Are you an illegal alien?"
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"But I'm Crazy. I swear to God I am."
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"Honey! Bring down a copy of my will - and an eraser!"
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"You know how really big guys are always nicknamed Tiny?" She didn't wait for any response, afraid she'd chicken out. "Guess that would make you Master Munchkin, huh?"
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"The look in Marlee's eyes was triumphant, and the smile hiding behind her cup of tea said, 'Gotcha'!"
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"That woman speaks eighteen languages, and can't say 'No' in any of them."
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"You've been smoking again, haven't you? Your eyes look like road maps and you're in full bastard mode."
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"In fact, it has been said that when you have sex with someone, you are actually having sex with everyone who ever slept with that individual."
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"Baz arched an elegant brow. "Are you going to snog the Humdrum-is that your plan? Because he's eleven. And he looks just like you. That's both vain and deviant, Snow, even for you."
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"You know that passage in the Bible that says, "And the meek shall inherit the Earth? Always wondered if that was mistranslated. Perhaps it actually says, "And the geek shall inherit the Earth."
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"I spent most of my youth hauling sides of beef and pork to my father's shop. Carrying you is far more enjoyable.""How sweet," Annabelle mumbled sickly, her eyes closed. "Every woman dreams of being told that she's preferable to a dead cow."
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"Faye, if you got eaten by another shark, would you please at least have the decency to say so? My time is kind of limited, if you know what I'm sayin'."
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"Don't you want to know what cookies is a code word for?" "No! Good God, no!"
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"When the shit hits the fan, you really have to ask yourself why you weren't sitting on the toilet."
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"I've always been led to believe that the ultimate goal for an author is the movie deal. Now I understand that the movie deal is merely a MEANS TO A MUCH HIGHER END: NAIL POLISH."
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"Adam, on the other end of the boat, looked extremely unimpressed with Ronan's lack of heat tolerance. "I didn't say anything. "Whatever, man, Ronan replied. "I know that face. You were born in hell, you're used to it."
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"If you think that your hardest problem is what color shoes to wear.You should get out more!"
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"Matt Smith?" I said. "Really? You are not the Doctor, Bran. At your age, it is important to keep a lookout for excessive hubris."
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"If somebody on this team actually gets to first base, I'll stand there naked."
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"It seems everything is so full of possibilities one can hardly take it all in."
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"Since the goal of my programs is to show audiences how humor can both help them heal as well as deal with not-so-funny stuff, I decided to discuss the events of the previous week, the pain all of us were feeling, and how humor and some laughter might be beneficial."
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"It's odd how violence and humor so often go together, isn't it?"
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"Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing in the world is power without humor."
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"Democratic politicians have disliked things I've written, Republican politicians... if they all love you, you might as well be driving a Good Humor truck."
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"Comedy is so hard to do, so it was very cool to do dead pan humor."
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"Let's form a committee tasked with exploring why committees are so ineffective. Then we'll stand-back and watch it argue and self-destruct."
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"What if it's a shy fish? Is that a 'coy koi?' What? Don't hate me because I'm asking the important questions."
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