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"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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"Probably went swimming and got eaten by a pineapple."
"Monkeys who very sensibly refrain from speech, lest they should be set to earn their livings."
"Igor?' said Moist. 'You have an Igor?'Oh, yes,' said Hubert. 'That's how I get this wonderful light. They know the secret of storing lightning in jars! But don't let that worry you, Mr Lipspick. Just because I'm employing an Igor and working in a cellar doesn't mean I'm some sort of madman, ha ha ha!'Ha ha,' agreed Moist.Ha hah hah!,' said Hubert. 'Hahahahahaha!! Ahahahahahahhhhh!!!!!-'Bent slapped him on the back. Hubert coughed.Sorry about that, it's the air down here,' he mumbled."
"This was beyond a joke. This had moved beyond foolishness, slipped over the line into genuine 24 karat Jesus-Christ-I-fucked-up-bigtime territory."
"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
Explore more quotes by Criss Jami
"I am not sure if women are attracted to genius. Can you imagine the wise wizard winning the woman over the gallant swordsman? It seems rather otherworldly in more ways than one."
"God hates sin not because he wants us to be good little boys and girls, but because he knows sin destroys that which he loves most: sinners."
"Wisdom is nothing more than confirmed imagination: just because one did not study for his exam does not mean that he should leave it blank."
"Excuses will become self-refuting. No man who does not believe that Jesus is the perfect, sinless Son of God can, in his desperation and love for sin, reasonably use and misconstrue Jesus' words that unless a Christian is perfect, then that Christian cannot judge sin. Otherwise this non-believer is unconsciously entertaining a belief that Jesus, unlike any other man to ever live, was indeed perfect and sinless in His judgments and therefore that Christian is supposed to be like Him."
"God is so omnipotent yet man so impotent, the Divine masterpiece was not even in creating the universe, but in making sin boring to sinners."
"Treat people like people. Beware of pity and patronization because in them, you can't see when you're unashamedly looking down on someone."
"I still believe that many Americans have a deep longing for that glorious moment when a sermon is more Biblical than American."
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