"If the other fellow sells cheaper than you, it is called dumping. 'Course, if you sell cheaper than him, that's mass production."

"Everything is changing. People are taking their comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke."

"Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate, now what's going to happen to us with both a House and a Senate?"

"Don't let yesterday use up too much of today."

"I never expected to see the day when girls would get sunburned in the places they now do."

"The worst thing that happens to you may be the best thing for you if you don't let it get the best of you."

"It's easy being a humorist when you've got the whole government working for you."

"Things in our country run in spite of government, not by aid of it."

"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."

"The best way out of a difficulty is through it."

"There's only one thing that can kill the movies, and that's education."

"Now if there is one thing that we do worse than any other nation, it is try and manage somebody else's affairs."

"Worrying is like paying on a debt that may never come due."

"Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln."

"The United States never lost a war or won a conference."

"If you can build a business up big enough, it's respectable."

"Democrats never agree on anything, that's why they're Democrats. If they agreed with each other, they would be Republicans."

"The schools ain't what they used to be and never was."

"Diplomacy is the art of saying "Nice doggie" until you can find a rock."

"Politics is applesauce."

"Diplomats are just as essential to starting a war as soldiers are for finishing it... You take diplomacy out of war, and the thing would fall flat in a week."

"People who fly into a rage always make a bad landing."

"The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other."

"A remark generally hurts in proportion to its truth."

"In Hollywood you can see things at night that are fast enough to be in the Olympics in the day time."

"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we're paying for."

"Make crime pay. Become a lawyer."

"The only time people dislike gossip is when you gossip about them."

"A fool and his money are soon elected."

"The time to save is now. When a dog gets a bone, he doesn't go out and make a down payment on a bigger bone. He buries the one he's got."

"If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?"

"A holding company is a thing where you hand an accomplice the goods while the policeman searches you."

"When should a college athlete turn pro? Not until he has earned all he can in college as an amateur."

"The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."

"In Hollywood the woods are full of people that learned to write but evidently can't read. If they could read their stuff, they'd stop writing."

"The 1928 Republican Convention opened with a prayer. If the Lord can see His way clear to bless the Republican Party the way it's been carrying on, then the rest of us ought to get it without even asking."

"Liberty doesn't work as well in practice as it does in speeches."

"We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others."

"We don't seem to be able to check crime, so why not legalize it and then tax it out of business?"

"Anything important is never left to the vote of the people. We only get to vote on some man; we never get to vote on what he is to do."

"I guess there is nothing that will get your mind off everything like golf. I have never been depressed enough to take up the game, but they say you get so sore at yourself you forget to hate your enemies."

"This thing of being a hero, about the main thing to it is to know when to die."

"If you want to be successful, it's just this simple. Know what you are doing. Love what you are doing. And believe in what you are doing."

"People's minds are changed through observation and not through argument."

"Politics has become so expensive that it takes a lot of money even to be defeated."

"Never let yesterday use up too much of today."

"Even though you are on the right track - you will get run over if you just sit there."

"The more that learn to read the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living."

"It's a good thing we don't get all the government we pay for."

"It isn't what we don't know that gives us trouble, it's what we know that ain't so."