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"Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up then sell it. If it don't go up don't buy it."
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"It may have happened, it may not have happened but it could have happened."
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Personal Development
"I've heard rumors that the Petersons are writing a book. It will be very interesting to see what they have to say, but I don't know anything about the Rochas."
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Personal Development
"Don't gamble take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up then sell it. If it don't go up don't buy it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Nowhere, absolutely nowhere, has there ever been a hint, not even a whisper, that a Black person was involved in the assassination of the president. But that's the kind of thing you have in this movie."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Don't gamble; take all your savings and buy some good stock and hold it till it goes up, then sell it. If it don't go up, don't buy it."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Sometimes I think that we're the aliens."
Author Name
Personal Development
"Time forks perpetually toward innumerable futures. In one of them I am your enemy."
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Personal Development
"The question that naturally occurs is "What would it be like if a star exploded nearby? Our nearest stellar neighbor, as we have seen, is Alpha Centauri, 4.3 light-years away. I had imagined that if there were an explosion there we would have 4.3 years to watch the light of this magnificent event spreading across the sky, as if tipped from a giant can. What would it be like if we had four years and four months to watch an inescapable doom advancing toward us, knowing that when it finally arrived it would blow the skin right off our bones? Would people still go to work? Would farmers plant crops? Would anyone deliver them to the stores?"
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"Advertising is the art of convincing people to spend money they don't have for something they don't need."
Art
"If you make any money, the government shoves you in the creek once a year with it in your pockets, and all that don't get wet you can keep."
Government
"Instead of giving money to found colleges to promote learning, why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as good as the Prohibition one did, why, in five years we would have the smartest race of people on earth."
Money
"So let's be honest with ourselves and not take ourselves too serious, and never condemn the other fellow for doing what we are doing every day, only in a different way."
Day
"There is no more independence in politics than there is in jail."
Politics
"Everything is funny, as long as it's happening to somebody else."
Funny
"An onion can make people cry but there's never been a vegetable that can make people laugh."
People
"All I know is just what I read in the papers, and that's an alibi for my ignorance."
Ignorance
"Why don't they pass a constitutional amendment prohibiting anybody from learning anything? If it works as well as prohibition did, in five years Americans would be the smartest race of people on Earth."
People
"There's no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you."
Government
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