top of page
.png){kind=small}
Humor Quotes
"Mal snickered. "What's so funny?""I just pictured the Darkling being cornered by a sweaty duchess trying to have her way with him."
10
"Popcorn for breakfast! Why not? It's a grain. It's like, like, grits, but with high self-esteem."
10
"Whoa, who peed in your Cheerios?"
10
"Never deviate from the path unless you are going to make love in the bushes ....."
10
"Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date. 1. You're wearing that? 2. Something smells funny. 3. Where's the Tylenol? 4. And to think, I first wanted to date your brother. 5. I have a confession to make. 6. My dad has a suit just like that. 7. That man is hot. Look at him. 8. My ex, may he rot in hell forever. 9. You're going to order that? Seriously?10. You're how old?"
10
"Photobomb me at your own risk!"
10
"Dan: 'Ah, well, I hope this didn't have anything to do with me.'Ellen: 'No, not unless you played Cat Woman in Batman."
10
"We started to collect more and more of these words and concepts, and began to realize what an arbitrarily selective work the Oxford English Dictionary is. It simply doesn't recognize huge wodges of human experience. Like, for instance, standing in the kitchen wondering what you went in there for. Everybody does it, but because there isn't-or wasn't-a word for it, everyone thinks it's something that only they do and that they are therefore more stupid than other people. It is reassuring to realize that everybody is as stupid as you are and that all we are doing when we are standing in the kitchen wondering what we came in here for is "woking."
10
"Bottled, was he?" Said Colonel Bantry, with an Englishman's sympathy for alcoholic excess. "Oh, well, can't judge a fellow by what he does when he's drunk? When I was at Cambridge, I remember I put a certain utensil - well - well, nevermind."
10
"I'd gone with my usual option. I was running through long tunnels filled with demons and monsters and nightmares, because it was easier than going to the gym."
10
"Perhaps if we saw what was ahead of us, and glimpsed the follies, and misfortunes that would befall us later on, we would all stay in our mother's wombs, and then there would be nobody in the world but a great number of very fat, very irritated women."
10
"First bathrooms, now cars. At least people are wearing their seat belts."
10
"Shane dragged Eve's suitcase into the room and dumped it on the floor beside her bed. "Hey, Dark Princess? Here's your crap. Also, bite me."
10
"Give a man a finger, he'll put a wedding ring on it!"
10
"What's up?" [asked Ford.]"I don't know," said Marvin, "I've never been there."
10
"THINGS YOU NEVER HEAR: 'Please stop sucking my dick or I'll call the police."
10
"You have a visitor, my lord." I frowned, "What?" "That is why I came in here. You have a visitor waiting for you." I stood up, exasperated. "Why didn't you say so?" Lacuna looked confused. "I did. Just now. You were there." She frowned thoughtfully. "Perhaps you have brain damage." "It would not shock me in the least," I said."Would you like me to cut open your skull and check, my lord?" she asked. Someone that short should not be that disturbing."
10
"I rode an elevator with a guy who was whistling the tune of 'this is the song that never ends'. Putting that on me? Come on dude.."
10
"If you're brighter than a lightning bug, don't show your ass."
10
"Susan hardly had begun to slow down when Tera appeared from between a couple of buildings and loped over to the car. I leaned forward, opened the door, and she got into the backseat. I threw her the extra clothes I had picked up, and she began to dress without comment.It worked," I said. "We did it."Of course it worked," Tera said. "Men are foolish. They will stare at anything female and naked."
10
"I don't know whether to toss you through that window or shake your hand and say 'Well done'" Henry said in a tired voice."
10
"My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible."
10
"Another oral exam, huh?' Peter said.'Shut up, Peter,' said Valentine.'You should relax and enjoy it,' said Peter. 'It could be worse.''I don't know how.''It could be an anal exam."
10
"The hardest part of being a Canadian kid is having to color in Nunavut with a crayon in school, hell on earth."
10
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives."
10
"Where does a werewolf sleep? Anywhere he wants to."
10
bottom of page