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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development

"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development

"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development

"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development

"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development

"I was my own boss, but that all changed the day I got married."
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Personal Development

"Could you hold the chainsaw a bit closer to your mouth, please?"
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Personal Development

"Unless you stop him. Perhaps next we meet.""You'll be just as annoying?" I guessed.He fixed my with those warm brown eyes. "Or perhaps you could bring me up to speed on those modern courtship rituals."I sat there stunned until he gave me a glimpse of a smile-just enough to let me know he was teasing. Then he disappeared."Oh, very funny!" I yelled."
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Personal Development

"Don't ask for a girl's hand in marriage and forget to ask for her leg too."
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Personal Development

"Papa, potatoes, poultry, prunes and prism, are all very good words for the lips."
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Personal Development
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"Response to clapping: "Thank you for ovating.""
Humor


"I am not a man of words, not yesterday, not the day before, not from the first time You spoke to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue."
Spiritual


"Prayer changes things."
Spiritual


"Then Samson said. With a donkeys jawbone I have made donkeys of them. With a donkey's jawbone I have killed a thousand of them."
Strength


"Feed my lambs, shepherd my sheep."
Spiritual


"Yard by yard it's very hard. But inch by inch it's a cinch."
Motivational


"Let him become a fool, that he may become wise."
Wisdom


"Good People bring out the good in other people."
Positivity


"For where thy treasure is, there also will thy heart be."
Spiritual


"Each man is his own absolute lawgiver and dispenser of glory or gloom to himself the maker of his life his reward his punishment."
Responsibility
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