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Humor Quotes
"Ability to laugh at evil, to relativize symbols without dismissing them is usually a sign of a rather healthy person. Puritans and reformers can never laugh."
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"You know what Munny said to me, right before we left? She said, 'Watching someone die is hard work. Go to Australia and watch Faye fall in love with some dude named Rabbit. That should be fun."
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"Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot."
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"Bicky rocked, like a jelly in a high wind."
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"An old couple came running from a motorhome, scribbling as they ran. Their sign read, Can you check on our cat, Ariel?No one would answer that, because the cats had all been eaten."
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"Humor is so subjective, not everyone is going to get what you are peddling. Others will be offended when what you meant no offense whatsoever. Those are the stakes. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and what you've written. Comedy pushes limits, makes people uncomfortable, and is a natural reaction to the environment. Otherwise, as I said, it is forced. Let it flow and give your characters permission to cross a line or two, but only if you can take the heat afterward."
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"If you turned your back on irony, it curdled into sarcasm. And what good was it then? Sarcasm was irony which had lost its soul."
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"Despite all that education and experience can do, I retain a certain level of unsophistication that I cannot eradicate and that my friends find amusing. In fact, I think I sometimes detect conspiratorial plottings among my friends to protect me against my own lack of sophistication. I don't mind. I suspect that I am never quite as unsophisticated as they think I am, but I don't mind."
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"If I had my way," Dionysus said, "I would cause your molecules to erupt in flames. We'd sweep up the ashes and be done with a lot of trouble. But Chiron seems to feel this would be against my mission at this cursed camp: to keep you little brats safe from harm.""Spontaneous combustion is a form of harm, Mr. D," Chiron put in."Nonsense," Dionysus said. "Boy wouldn't feel a thing. Nevertheless, I've agreed to restrain myself. I'm thinking of turning you into a dolphin instead, sending you back to your father."
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"You know what they say about boys next door..."
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"There are women named Faith, Hope, Joy, and Prudence. Why not Despair, Guilt, Rage, and Grief? It seems only right. 'Tom, I'd like you to meet the girl of my dreams, Tragedy.' These days, Trajedi."
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"You were abducted by space aliens. Of course you want egg rolls."
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"A boy who once wiped his ass with poison ivy probably doesn't belong in a smart people's club."
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"I've got about ten things to say to you right now. But at least nine of them would make me sound like a psycho.In spite of the seriousness of the situation, I nearly smiled. "What's the tenth thing? I asked his shirtfront. He paused, considering it. "Never mind, he grumbled. "That one would make me sound like a psycho, too."
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"If there was an elephant in the supermarket, she'd either not see it at all, or call it Mrs Jones and talk about fishcakes."
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"Real comedy is not when you laugh at an idiot, it's when the idiot laughs at you."
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"Well", Fang said, mimicking a thick Southern drawl. "I must say its mighty nice of them Daimons to clean up after themselves when you kill them" He held his hands up to them. "Look Ma, no mess.""Does Fang have an off switch?" Talon asked Vane."
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"My doctor says I must not have any serious conversation after seven [o'clock]. It makes me talk in my sleep."
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"Man suffers only because he takes seriously what the gods made for fun."
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"I've never written a quote I feel would be suitable for my gravestone. Wouldn't it be ironic if it were this one? Oh, and could you pull a few weeds while you're here?"
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"What did the soup say to the tea plate? "You're too shallow for me. I like deep dish to dip right into!" I still keep my British humour in good taste. No room for egos or rumours."
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"Sex spelled backwards is excess and that's how it should always be."
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"Never in my life had I been more frustrated. Go figure it wouldn't be with a human but a freaking alien. At least I now knew that the male species were asses no matter what planet they hailed from."
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"Remind me," he paused, drawing in a stuttered gasp, "to never piss you off again. Christ, are you secretly a ninja?"
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"Great. Now the queen thought I was a misfit, too."
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"The Bible teaches that the human struggle happens within a single entity - the human heart. The main human struggle is not between the heart and something else, but between forces that tear it in different directions. The great battle is deciding to what your heart's greatest love, hope, and trust will be directed."
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"I'm like a cat. I swear I have nine lives."
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"Oh yeah, "God is great!" Well, why an't you, mate?"
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"Mrs Guinea answered my letter and invited me to lunch at her home. That was where I saw my first finger-bowl.The water had a few cherry blossoms floating in it, and I thought it must be some clear sort of Japanese after-dinner soup and ate every bit of it, including the crisp little blossoms. Mrs Guinea never said anything, and it was only much later, when I told a debutant I knew at college about dinner, that I learned what I had done."
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"Smiling always seems to annoy people more than actually insulting them. Or maybe I just have an annoying smile."
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"There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380 SL convertible."
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