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Humor Quotes
"One of the most striking differences between a cat and a lie is that a cat has only nine lives."
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"Where does a werewolf sleep? Anywhere he wants to."
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"Awww, that's sweet. Nothing says 'I love you' like a well-made implement of pain."
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"Well," he said, "I think we've found our way in. We just wait until they're duking it out, but trust me, these Humans First types don't have a lot of staying power or they'd have been at the gym with me before. I doubt Grandma Kent there is going to do a lot of damage." He pointed at a gray-haired, hunched lady in a shawl, carrying what looked liked a gardening tool. "It's like Plants Versus Zombies, and I'm not rooting for the zombies, weirdly enough."
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"He's acting as foolish as a kitten... but then, everyone's entitled to a little foolishness once in a while."
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"Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark."
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"If the apocalypse comes...beep me!"
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"You are the capital U in Unhelpful."
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"You can't draw lines in the sand like that. Humour's a tsunami that doesn't care about your little lines."
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"Eat it," I ordered, holding it with two hands now, making it dance in the air. "It's begging you. 'Eat me'."He arched a brow."Perv," I muttered.Aiden pressed his lips together, but when he glanced at me and my dancing bun, he burst into laughter. "All right, give me the bun."
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"I'm sure I'll feel much more grateful when I find a guy who thinks complex wiring in a girl is a turn-on."
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"Money can't buy love, except on Valentine's Day."
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"All right, she said a little sarcastically. "I was going to assume you liked eating babies and sacrificing virgins, but I might as well ask, what do you do for fun?"I languish in sin, I replied in the same tone. "I take my babies rare, and my virgins over easy."
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"Then why was his tongue in your mouth? Was he conducting a clinical test of your gag reflex?' He smiled, but not nicely. 'How is your gag reflex, Ms. Lane? Are you a hair trigger?'Barrons likes to use sexual innuendo to try to shut me up. I think he expects the well-raised southern belle in me will think eew and back off. Sometimes, I do think eew, but I don't back off. 'I'm a spitter, if that's what you're asking.' I flashed him a too-sweet smile.'Didn't look that way to me. I think you're a swallower. His tongue was halfway to China and you were still taking it.''Jealous?"
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"I looked at Micah, who shrugged. I looked at Rafael, who shook his head. Nice that none of us knew why he was undressing."
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"I'm not a goose, you're the gooses for crying over nothing."
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"I hope you're not smoking in front of her,' Lucia says to him.'Yeah, I lie in bed and puff in her face, Lucia,' he says, irritated."
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"Written on her tombstone: 'I told you I was sick."
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"What does your birth date say about you? You are old!"
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"I challenge a man to a duel before allowing him near me, and then I take an arrow, dip it in poison, and drive it straight through his heart...But that's on a good day...when I purr and feel delightfully amorous. No need to mention what I'd do on a bad one."
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"Since I've moved here, you have shown up at my door eight times. I obey the laws, I pay my taxes, and I haven't even gotten a parking ticket in my entire time as a driver. Yet if anything at all happens in the neighborhood, you appear at my door. I bet if a meteorite fell somewhere in the subdivision, you would be here asking me if I personally launched it out of my doomsday cannon."
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"I asked her, dreamily, if we had met, and when she told me that we had not, I gave her a little finger wave, the type a leprechaun might offer a pixie who was floating by on a maple leaf. 'Well, hi there,' I whispered."
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"Smile, just to infuriate those who envy you."
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"Sorry... my mind was wandering... one time it went all the way to Venus and ordered a meal I couldn't pay for."
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"This is the biggest damn IPod I've ever seen," Claire said, which made him choke on his beer. "Kidding. I have seen a jukebox before."
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"That's the problem with you nearly immortal types, I said. "You couldn't spot a pop culture reference if it skittered up and implanted an embryo down your esophagus."
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"Jonn Deire picked up eight yellowed and dog-eared cards from the pile, grumbling 'garrn' under his breath, while chewing on a frazzled looking toothpick. Skooch threw down a five of reds and said nothing. There was an impatient pause as the players waited for Beck to remember he had to play for Peeping William, who was still grumbling softly and rolling his eyes at intervals."
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"Chocolate's better than sex any day."
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"I have never believed much in luck, and my sense of humor has tended to walk on the dark side."
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"We'll never find that one, and I'll be blamed," announced Edd Tollett, the dour grey-haired squire everyone called Dolorous Edd. "Nothing ever goes missing that they don't look at me, ever since that time I lost my horse. As if that could be helped. He was white and it was snowing, what did they expected."
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"To me she said, "It's this stupid gotcha thing, they've been doing it for weeks now. Leaping out at each other and us, scaring the hell out of everyone.""It's a game of wits," Bert said to me."Half-wits," Kristy added."
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"Or that time she made a snowman in Britt-Marie and Kent's garden right under their balcony and dressed it up in grown-up clothes so it looked as if a person had fallen from the roof."
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"It's complicated, I said in defense, hands going up to show surrender.'Talk slowly, Jenna retorted derisively.'Okay, I deserved that, I admitted."
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"I never truly believed that human business was some serious thing."
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"Shane: "Bro," he said, in an injured tone, "I had to go out with a flamethrower, and you weren't there to see it." Michael: "Pics or it didn't happen." Shane: "Dude, little busy for pics. You know, throwing flame."
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"I passed out from stress? That's it?"I believe the princess term is fainted, said Thorne."
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