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"Some kid asked what a dilemma is. And I replied: When a starving man has to choose between a plate of food, and, a roll of toilet paper."
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"If it weren't for the last minute nothing would get done."
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Personal Development
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
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Personal Development
"Your party kicked so much ass!Even though you suck so much! It's like, instead of blood, your heart pumps liquid suck! But thanks for the beer!"
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Personal Development
"Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions."
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Personal Development
"The moment you have a self at all, there is a possibility of putting yourself first - wanting to be the centre - wanting to be God, in fact. That was the sin of Satan: and that was the sin he taught the human race. Some people think the fall of man had something to do with sex, but that is a mistake...what Satan put into the heads of our remote ancestors was the idea that they 'could be like Gods' - could set up on their own as if they had created themselves - be their own masters - invent some sort of happiness for themselves outside God, apart from God. And out of that hopeless attempt has come...the long terrible story of man trying to find something other than God which will make him happy."
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Personal Development
"I used to think that size does not count, until I realized that most people either find other people's faeces more disgusting than a bird's droppings, or they do not find the latter disgusting at all."
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Personal Development
"Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet."
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Personal Development
"The real satire starts when I'm shockingly mocked,not mockingly shocked."
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Personal Development
"They are fond of fun and therefore witty, wit being well-bred insolence."
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Personal Development
"Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is."
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Personal Development
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"There is nothing inherently painful about being cheated on."
Emotion
"Most parents are not really 'supportive' because they want their kid(s) to succeed; they 'support' their kid(s) as an attempt to avoid appearing to have bred a failure, or, failures - in the eyes of their peers and/or neighbours."
Parenting
"Patriotism is the narcissism of countries."
Politics
"Retro is a symptom of a generation that is too lazy to innovate."
Culture
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Humor
"You can only be twice someone's age once."
Age
"AIDS would have claimed fewer lives if we had publicly recommended what I wish to call 'The Presumption of Sickness,' i.e., the principle that whomever we are about to sleep with is HIV-positive until proven HIV-negative."
Health
"When a man's girlfriend's parents ask him what it is that he does for a living: they're not really concerned about him, they're concerned about their daughter's tummy."
Society
"A newspaper is an oversized book with adverts and an expiry date."
Media
"Thanks to the internet, you can provoke thoughts of those in mansions, from the uncomfortableness of your shack."
Technology
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