top of page
.png){kind=small}
Humor Quotes
"A balanced dieT to make you die with a tea, consists of holding two bags of cookies on each hand and a voracious hunger to consume."
16
"Simple. I got very bored and depressed, so I went and plugged myself in to its external computer feed. I talked to the computer at great length and explained my view of the Universe to it," said Marvin."And what happened?" pressed Ford."It committed suicide," said Marvin and stalked off back to the Heart of Gold."
16
"That's brain tissue. How can you-?" Claire shut her mouth, fast. "Never mind. I don't think I wanna know.""Truly, I think that's best. Please take it." He showed his teeth briefly in a very unsettling grin. "I'm giving you a piece of my mind.""I so wish you hadn't said that."
16
"I don't need no PMS. I can bitch under my own steam."
16
"Marriage happens as with cages: the birds without despair to get in, and those within despair of getting out."
16
"Pointless... like giving caviar to an elephant."
16
"Were it not for my little jokes I could not bear the burdens of this office."
16
"I have a headache. If only I had a crown to put on!"
16
"Don't be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don't travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops."
16
"If I send all the books that I faithfully wrote overseas, would that, for any chance, be considered work-shipping??"
16
"We all know that when the lights are out all women are the same height!"
16
"She returned his salute with a sly smile-a rare enough event that he eyed her suspiciously."Admiral Solovy, are you wearing a shit-eating grin because we won here today, or is there something else I should know?"There's something else you should know."
16
"Don't call me a dinosaur. It isn't fair to the dinosaurs. What did a dinosaur ever do to you?"
16
"Let's carpe the hell out of this diem."
16
"That's very rude," Myrnin said. "I haven't brought my fangs our for some time. Not in mixed company, anyway."
16
"I didn't want to spoil the mood. This was probably the longest Daemon and I had ever spoken without some statement earning him the finger."
16
"Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically assisting Sisyphus's stealthy, cyst-susceptible sister," which is easier done than said."
16
"He chuckled into my hair. My body decided this would be a fine moment to remember that his body was wrapped around mine and his body was muscular, hard, and hot, and my butt was pressed against his groin. Cuddled up by a dragon. No, thank you. Let me off this train."If you keep wiggling, things might get uncomfortable, he said into my ear, his voice like a caress. "I'm doing my best, but thinking about baseball only takes you so far."
16
"I just meant maybe you could set here and drink one of em with me.He squinted at her. You ever notice how women have trouble takin no for a answer? I think itstarts about age three.What about men?They get used to it. They better."
16
"What's the problem?""You. All shirtless and stuff. My dragon won't let me fight you." Oh, God. It was so embarrassing even admitting it."
16
"And the little prince broke into a lovely peal of laughter, which irritated me very much. I like my misfortunes to be taken seriously."
16
"Did I hurt you in the parking lot?""No, m'lady. I fell, so I could put a tracker on your car."Great."
16
"Who, last time I'd checked, was still on our official archenemy list. (Yes, we have to keep a list. It's kind of sad.)"
16
"If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful voice, "Well this isn't too bad, I don't have a left arm anymore but at least nobody will ever ask me if I'm left-handed or right-handed," but most of us would say something more along the lines of, "Aaaaaa! My arm! My arm!"
16
"ARMOR, n. The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith."
16
"Bang. You're dead.'Gamache swung around, but had recognised the voice an instant after he'd begun to turn.'You're a sneak, Jean Guy. I'm going to have to put a cow bell on you.''Not again.' It wasn't often he could get the drop on the chief. But Beauvoir had begun to worry. Suppose he snuck up on Gamache sometime and he had a heart attack? It would certainly take the fun out of it."
16
"I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time."
16
"Isaac knows how stupid i find these things, and he finds them just as stupid as i do. like lol. now, if there's anything stupider than buddy lists, it's lol. if anyone ever uses lol with me, i rip my computer right out of the wall and smash it over the nearest head. i mean, it's not like anyone's laughing out loud about the things they lol. i think it should be spelled loll, like what a lobotomized person's tongue does. loll. loll. i can't think any more. loll. loll!"
16
"If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead."
16
"Women are heavyweight boxers; only, they punch with words, not fists."
16
"His lazy eye drifting around the room like a child looking for the bathroom."
16
"Heya, Arlene. What's shakin'? Cotton greeted.'Don't shift some of this weight, everything, Arlene replied."
16
"I am never taking a trip with either of you ever again.' Eve said. 'Ever.'Excellent' Shane said. 'Then next trip, we hit the strip bar.'I have a gun, Shane,' Eve sighed.What, you think i actually loaded yours?'Eve flipped him off, and Claire laughed."
15
"Yes, frosting. The final defense of the dying."
15
"I am a Smedry, and we do ridiculous, unexpected, eccentric things like this all the time! Ha-ha!"
15
bottom of page