"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

Humor, Music, Desire, Truth

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"I just can't listen to any more Wagner, you know...I'm starting to get the urge to conquer Poland."

Exlpore more Humor quotes

"Laughter comes later, like wisdom teeth. And laughter at yourself comes last of all in a mad race with death. And sometimes, it isn't in time."

John Steinbeck, American Author

Humor, Laughter, Wisdom, Mortality

"Pessimist - one who when he has the choice of two evils chooses both."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Pessimism, Evil, Choice, Irony

"Pardon my French if you're a religious man.''I am,' Bill said, grinning.'Then get outta my cab and go to fucking church,' the cabbie said, and they both burst out laughing."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Faith, Truth, Wisdom

"Mr. Bennet, how can you abuse your own children in such a way? Youtake delight in vexing me. You have no compassion for my poor nerves.""You mistake me, my dear. I have a high respect for your nerves. Theyare my old friends. I have heard you mention them with considerationthese last twenty years at least."

Jane Austen, British Writer

Humor, Marriage, Family, Nerves

"You can be a little ungrammatical if you come from the right part of the country."

Robert Frost, American Poet

Humor, Country, Right

"April 1. This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, April, Fool, Day

"Did you hear what I was playing, Lane?I didn't think it polite to listen, sir."

Oscar Wilde, Irish Dramatist

Humor, Politeness, Listening, Conversation

"Never try to out-stubborn a cat."

Robert A. Heinlein, American Writer

Humor, Animals, Cats, Wisdom

"In the first place God made idiots. This was for practice. Then he made school boards."

Mark Twain, American Author

Humor, God, Idiots, Practice, School

"I am the literary equivalent of a Big Mac and Fries."

Stephen King, American Author

Humor, Literary

Explore more quotes by Woody Allen

"The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small."

Food

"If I could only see one miracle just one miracle. Like a burning bush or the seas part or my uncle Sasha pick up a check."

Faith

"I took a test in Existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got 100."

Philosophy

"Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness."

Education

"I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown."

People

"If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank."

God

"I don't believe in God. Just try getting a plumber on the weekend."

Humor

"If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job."

Job

"What is fascinating is that it is physical. You know, that's one thing about intellectuals, they've proved that you can be absolute brilliant and have no idea what's going on. But on the other hand, the body doesn't lie, as we now know. Nono, it'll be great, because all of those ph.Ds are in there, like, discussing modes of alienation, and we'll be in here quietly humping."

Observation

"Tradition is the illusion of permanance."

Illusion