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"Well then, I guess I'm man enough to admit that I'm trying to get in touch with my inner bitch."
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"Fool me once, shame on youfool me twice, shame on mefool me thrice, I'm gonna get the frying pan!"
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Personal Development
"As a comedian, the more you commit the sin of stupidity, three essential things happen to your life:~people applaud you incessantly.~love you more than their parents.~give you a daily bread."
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Personal Development
"One who has both feet firmly planted in the air."
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Personal Development
"My religion consists of laughing at myself. My motto is this: As long as there is a me, there is a reason to laugh out loud!"
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Personal Development
"Well, that depends, I suppose. I heard someone once say that men dance the same way they have sex. So, if you want everyone here to think you're the kind of guy who just sits around and-" He stood up. "Let's dance."
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Personal Development
"The cleverest woman finds a need for foolish admirers."
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Personal Development
"Always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than its operating manual."
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Personal Development
"Comedy strikes here... just to reduce pressure and depression."
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Personal Development
"They're both bungholes who think they're too noble to shit."
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Personal Development
"She breathed an enormous sigh, looked at Poirot, Looked away, and suddenly blurted out, "You're too old. Nobody told me you were so old. I really don't want to be rude but - there it is. You're too old. I'm really sorry." She turned abruptly and blundered out of the room, rather like a desperate moth in lamplight. Poirot, his mouth open, heard the bang of the front door. He ejaculated: "Non d'un nom d'un nom..."
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"I'll get you and your little dog too?' You say your girl can't pay me back? Believe me when I say that that little gift's just gonna keep right on giving."
Humor
"You're in the country of the kangaroo and the duck-billed platypus, and you're asking 'why is it a mushroom? Because it just IS."
Nature
"Well then, I guess I'm man enough to admit that I'm trying to get in touch with my inner bitch."
Humor
"Uh-oh, I hope he doesn't start rattling off dirty limericks next; she'll probably burn the hotel down."
Comedy
"Mouse likes to drag you to uninhabited areas with no cell signal-all those places perfect for dying of exposure."
Survival
"Don't make me Alice-nap you, Alice. Because you know I can carry you."
Humor
"When she reaches down to touch his shoulder-a gesture only a few species and a million or so years removed from lifting a leg and marking him as her territory with a stream of urine-enough bracelets and bangles to lay track across the Australian Outback slide down her arm and come to a jangling stop at her wrist."
Possession
"Congratulations, Mousey, you've managed to insult every marsupial in the country in just under three kilometers."
Humor
"Don't be such a dumbass, Gabe. Koalas don't travel in herds. They move in heaps. Much like emus move in ripples, and kangaroos travel in photo-ops."
Humor
"Aw, you're nothing but heart, Mako. Nice valentine in your skull, by the way. Is that temporary or did the Tanaka-kai change their daimon to attract the Powerpuff Girls crowd?"
Humor
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