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Will Rogers

"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

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"Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else."

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Amber Hurdle

"Don't panic. Are you sitting? You probably don't need to sit. Well, possibly. At least lean on something."

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Amber Hurdle

"Ma'am,' Augustus said, nodding toward her, 'your daughter's car has just been deservedly egged by a blind man. Please close the door and go back inside or we'll be forced to call the police.' After wavering for a moment, Monica's mom closed the door and disappeared."

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Amber Hurdle

"At this, Gansey rolled over onto his back and folded his hands on his chest. He wore a salmon polo shirt, which, in Blue's opinion, was far more hellish than anything they'd discussed to this point."

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Amber Hurdle

"Reason like a sphere? What type of reasoning does a wooden sphere do?""The circular type, I should think. And, by coincidence, it is my favorite type as well. Perhaps that's why I'm so good at the game."

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Amber Hurdle

"I liked that he was a tenured professor in the Department of Slightly Crooked Smiles with a dual appointments in the Department of Having a Voice that Made My Skin Feel More Like Skin."

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Amber Hurdle

"I guess when you turn off the main road, you have to be prepared to see some funny houses."

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Amber Hurdle

"What is it with you today? says Christina on the way to breakfast. Her eyes are stillswollen from sleep and her tangled hair forms a fuzzy halo around her face."Oh, you know, I say. "Sun shining. Birds chirping.She raises an eyebrow at me, as if reminding me that we are in an undergroundtunnel."

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Amber Hurdle

"O, that he were here to write me down an ass! But, masters, remember, that I am an ass; though it be not written down, yet forget not that I am an ass."

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Amber Hurdle

"In a way, a lot of my humor comes from presenting things that are dramatic or shocking and then people not having socially appropriate responses, having people denying the drama by failing to react to it, and that's a really classic form of humor."

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Amber Hurdle

"Sergeant Colon of the Ankh-Morpork City Guard was on duty. He was guarding the Brass Bridge, the main link between Ankh and Morpork. From theft.When it came to crime prevention, Sergeant Colon found it safest to think big."

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Will Rogers
"The only difference between death and taxes is that death doesn't get worse every time Congress meets."
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"The difference between a Republican and a Democrat is the Democrat is a cannibal they have to live off each other, while the Republicans, why, they live off the Democrats."
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"Communism to me is one-third practice and two-thirds explanation."
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Will Rogers
"Let advertisers spend the same amount of money improving their product that they do on advertising and they wouldn't have to advertise it."
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"We can't all be heroes, because somebody has to sit on the curb and applaud when they go by."
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Will Rogers
"Even if you're on the right track, you'll get run over if you just sit there."
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Will Rogers
"Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment."
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Will Rogers
"I bet after seeing us, George Washington would sue us for calling him "father.""
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Will Rogers
"Ohio claims they are due a president as they haven't had one since Taft. Look at the United States, they have not had one since Lincoln."
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Will Rogers
"You know, everybody's ignorant, just on different subjects."
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