Comedy Quotes | Beyond Motive 5/5

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Comedy Quotes

"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

Marcel Proust, French Author

Comedy, Humor, Appearance, Absurdity, Description

10

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

Tahereh Mafi, Iranian Author

Comedy, Humor, Conflict, Absurdity, Dialogue

10

"Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity."

"Laughter is good for you. Nine out of ten stand-up comedians recommend laughter in the face of intense stupidity."

Jim Butcher, American Author

Comedy, Humor, Laughter, Health

10

"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"

"I had to stop myself from laughing. Who needs help taking a pill?"

Kiera Cass, American Novelist

Comedy, Humor, Patience, Observation, Life

10

"I don't think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh."

"I don't think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh."

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Comedy, Humor, Expression, Performance

10

"As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight."

"As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight."

Nenia Campbell, Swedish Musician

Comedy, Humor, Speed, Action, Chaos

10

"I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma.'You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma."

"I'll drive like my grandma. I'll drive like your grandma.'You wouldn't say that if you knew my gramma."

Kami Garcia, American Writer

Comedy, Humor, Driving, Family, Sarcasm

9

"I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that."

"I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that."

Craig Ferguson, Scottish Comedian

Comedy, Boundaries, Ethics, Expression

9

"The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin 'Tubby' Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole."

"The only bright spot in the entire evening was the presence of Kevin 'Tubby' Matchwell, the eleven-year-old porker who tackled the role of Santa with a beguiling authenticity. The false beard tended to muffle his speech, but they could hear his chafing thighs all the way to the North Pole."

David Sedaris, American Writer

Comedy, Humor, Performance, Christmas, Character

9

"I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends."

"I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Comedy, Humor, Creativity, Authenticity

9

"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."

"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."

Deyth Banger, American Blogger

Comedy, Hate, Humor, Emotion

9

"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving."

"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Comedy, Boredom, Humor, Observation, Irony

8

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

Eoin Colfer, Irish Author

Comedy, Humor, Reality, Observation, Irony

8

"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."

"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."

Joss Whedon, American Writer

Comedy, Humor, Darkness, Balance, Storytelling

8

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

"I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed reading accident. I hit a book mark and flew across the room."

Steven Wright, American Comedian

Comedy, Humor, Accident, Irony, Reading

8

"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."

"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."

Deyth Banger, American Blogger

Comedy, Criticism, Truth, Power, Life

8

"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."

"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."

Mokokoma Mokhonoana, South African Philosopher

Comedy, Humor, Truth, Life, Power

8

"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."

"Why do we laugh at such terrible things? Because comedy is often the sarcastic realization of inescapable tragedy."

Bryant McGill, American Poet

Comedy, Sarcastic, Tragedy

7

"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."

"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Comedy, Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life

7

"Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings."

"Most comedy is based on getting a laugh at somebody else's expense. And I find that that's just a form of bullying in a major way. So I want to be an example that you can be funny and be kind, and make people laugh without hurting somebody else's feelings."

Ellen DeGeneres, American Comedian

Comedy, Kindness, Humor, Respect

5

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