top of page
Exlpore more Comedy quotes

"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."

"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."

"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."

"You need to understand that some comedy can have consequences."

"When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving."
Explore more quotes by Bryant McGill

"There is more than one way to lose your life; quickly through violence, or fettered-away and wasted around dreadful, toxic people."

"The ignoramus crow of "love it or leave it" omits other viable options, such as staying and changing it."

"While the ingrates duke-it-out about the true God, you take each breath in holy gratitude."

"When the storm rips you to pieces, you get to decide how to put yourself back together again."
bottom of page