"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

Comedy, Humor, Reality, Observation, Irony

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"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

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"Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous."

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"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

Marcel Proust, French Author

Comedy, Humor, Appearance, Absurdity, Description

"Are you out of your goddamn mind? You think we can take on two hundred soldiers? I know I am an extremely attractive man, J, but I am not Bruce Lee."Who's Bruce Lee?"Who's Bruce Lee? Kenji asks, horrified. "Oh my God. We can't even be friends anymore."Why? Was he a friend of yours?"You know what, he says, "just stop. Just-I can't even talk to you right now."

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"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."

Deyth Banger, American Blogger

Comedy, Criticism, Truth, Power, Life

"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."

Ilona Andrews, American Writer

Comedy, Attraction, Humor, Observation, Desire

"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."

Deyth Banger, American Blogger

Comedy, Hate, Humor, Emotion

"Comedy to me has always seemed a social tightrope for the comedian. For all axioms intellectually sound the general public would prefer to be amused, but in those emotionally sound, it then chooses to get offended."

Criss Jami, American Philosopher

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"Have a chocolate-covered raisin, he said."They look like rat droppings, said the Chair.The Dean peered at them in the gloom."So that's it, he said. "The bag fell on the floor a minute ago, and I thought there seemed rather a lot."

Terry Pratchett, English Author

Comedy, Humor, Truth, Wisdom, Life

"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."

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"As if I'd had time to drug it in the two milliseconds she'd let me out of her sight."

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Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

"Victor Vigny: A monkey glances up and sees a banana, and that's as far as he looks. A visionary looks up and sees the moon.Conor Broekhart: Which resembles a giant banana."

Vision

"We are different, my friend. We are visionaries. A monkey looks up and sees and banana, and that is as far as he looks. But a visionary looks up and sees the moon."

Vision

"Orion nodded, then asked, 'Dwarf cheese?'Cheese made by dwarfs.'Oh, said Orion, relieved. 'They make it. It's not actually . . .'No. What a horrible thought.'Exactly."

Humor

"Foaly: Anyone see you come in here? Holly: The FBI, CIA, NSA, DEA, MI6. Oh, and the EIB. Foaly: The EIB? Holly: (smirking) Everyone in the building."

Humor

"Time to do what he did best - plot dastardly acts."

Planning

"Confidence is ignorance. If you're feeling cocky, it's because there's something you don't know."

Knowledge

"A CD. How quaint. We have these in museums."

Technology

"He had seen bigger men than he with mummy's handkerchief clutched in on hand and a bloody dagger in the other."

Contrast

"How did that go [Butler] asked. 'Your first lengthy conversation with a girl your own age.'Fabulous, said Artemis, his voice dripping with sarcasm. 'We're planning a June wedding."

Social

"Humm humm haaa. Rahmumm humm haaaa,' intoned Opal, finishing her chant. 'Peace be inside me, tolerance all around me, forgiveness in my path. Now, Mervall, show me where the filthy human is so that I may feed him his organs."

Fantasy