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Eoin Colfer

"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

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"Sometimes Spiro missed the times when a troublesome worker was thrown out of a high window and that was the end of him. These days, if you threw someone out of a window, they'd phone their lawyer on the way down."

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Amber Hurdle

"She's got feet like boats, whiskers like an American, and her undies are filthy."

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Amber Hurdle

"Comedy was one of those genres that while appearing quite jolly was actually highly dangerous."

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Amber Hurdle

"When I was nine, we'd take a bus to the seaside. Coming back, we'd take turns entertaining, singing songs and the like. I tried some stand-up comedy. I had a captive audience in that bus. Then I realized I wanted to do more than that."

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Amber Hurdle

"To be perfectly honest, drama is a lot simpler than comedy."

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Amber Hurdle

"About 25 years ago, I was in an apartment, and next door, they put on the radio, so I struck the wall with my fist, but they did not put the radio down. I took a tool and banged until I made a hole through the wall. It was like a comedy movie."

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Amber Hurdle

"There's got to be structure and great comedy. When you start with that, everything else falls into place."

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Amber Hurdle

"One of my biggest problems with comedy was that I did not understand some of the jokes."

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Amber Hurdle

"I think that for the most part, when I started doing comedy, it had become very commercialized."

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Amber Hurdle

"NBC anchor Brian Williams is a standup comic in disguise."

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Amber Hurdle

"I'd really been wanting to do a television series. I was looking for a comedy."

Explore more quotes by Eoin Colfer

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Eoin Colfer
"Orion nodded, then asked, 'Dwarf cheese?'Cheese made by dwarfs.'Oh, said Orion, relieved. 'They make it. It's not actually . . .'No. What a horrible thought.'Exactly."
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Eoin Colfer
"Good. Illegal is always faster."
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Eoin Colfer
"Excuse me, Captain. Are you two going to weep salty tears of admiration over a helmet all night, or do we have matters to discuss?"
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Eoin Colfer
"Well, I don't like the first bit and I don't know the last bit. So I'm really hoping the middle bit is exceptional."
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Eoin Colfer
"If you were me, then I'd be you, and if I were you, then I'd hide somewhere far away."
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Eoin Colfer
"You know, Miss Holly, you look very dramatic like that, backlit by the fire. Very attractive, if I may say so. I know you shared a moment passionne with Artemis which he subsequently fouled up with his typical boorish behavior. Let me just throw something out there for you to consider while we're chasing the probe: I share Artemis's passion but not his boorishness. No pressure; just think about it.This was enough to elicit a deafening moment of silence even in the middle of a crisis, which Orion seemed to be blissfully unaffected by."
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Eoin Colfer
"No, mademoiselle, I would not like to see the children's menu. I have no doubt that the children's menu itself tastes better than the meals on it. I would like to order A la carte. Or don't you serve fish to minors?"
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Eoin Colfer
"How does she know it's the right room?' wondered Descant.Oh, I don't know; mabye it's the magical red glow coming from the doorway, or perhaps it's the deafening howl of the temporal winds.' said Mervall. Descant nodded.'You could be right, brother. And don't think I don't know sarcasm when I hear it."
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Eoin Colfer
"The craft's occupants clutched their armrests, and more than one of them closed their eyes. But not Artemis. He couldn't. There was something morbidly fascinating about flying into an uncharted tunnel at a reckless speed with only a kleptomaniac dwarf's word for what lay at the other end."
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Eoin Colfer
"Some people just needed to be stolen from."
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