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"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
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"I know the fashion is that everything is fair game [for comedy material] but I don't believe that."
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Personal Development
"Make it dark, make it grim, make it tough, but then, for the love of God, tell a joke."
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Personal Development
"I hate comedy... Yo...-yo bitch."
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Personal Development
"Comedy always works best when it is mean-spirited."
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Personal Development
"I wear so many disguises on the show that only a real comedy fan might spot me."
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Personal Development
"It's always been said that comedy comes mostly out of the dark side anyway."
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Personal Development
"You can't get all of your news from Jon Stewart, especially since it's a comedy show."
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Personal Development
"I considered the years in Hollywood nothing but an interim. What I always wanted was to be was a musical comedy star."
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Personal Development
"98% of all comedians feel obliged to be funny when interviewed. Less than 2% succeed."
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Personal Development
"I never watch comedies they suck if something sucks it sucks there isn't doubt about it."
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"Most parents are not really 'supportive' because they want their kid(s) to succeed; they 'support' their kid(s) as an attempt to avoid appearing to have bred a failure, or, failures - in the eyes of their peers and/or neighbours."
Parenting
"Patriotism is the narcissism of countries."
Politics
"Retro is a symptom of a generation that is too lazy to innovate."
Culture
"A tie is what you get after ice cubes have wrestled with hot water."
Humor
"AIDS would have claimed fewer lives if we had publicly recommended what I wish to call 'The Presumption of Sickness,' i.e., the principle that whomever we are about to sleep with is HIV-positive until proven HIV-negative."
Health
"When a man's girlfriend's parents ask him what it is that he does for a living: they're not really concerned about him, they're concerned about their daughter's tummy."
Society
"Thanks to the internet, you can provoke thoughts of those in mansions, from the uncomfortableness of your shack."
Technology
"Some people respect some people only because some people respect them."
Respect
"Poverty does not always prevent a rich person from dating someone who is poor, unless the man is the one who is poor."
Poverty
"It was masturbation, not willpower, that made it possible for gazillions of women to walk down the aisle with their reputation and their hymen still intact."
Society
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