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"I don't think being a comedian gives you any fucking insight into what makes people laugh."
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"Stand-up comedy and poverty. Those were my two main endeavors."
"Comedy is just to me, maybe it's a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see where the setup is and I can tell this is the way to make it."
"I think it would be harder for me not to write comedy because the comic view of things is the one that comes most naturally to me."
"I glanced at Derek. The boy wonder didn't melt into a pile of goo, although his gaze was glued to Rowena's chest. Avoiding eye contact. Good strategy."
"It's a great counter to doing the soap because it's a comedy. It's real physical comedy."
"Anyone can write. But comedy, you've got to do some writing. You get one comedy script to every 20 dramas."
Explore more quotes by Craig Ferguson
"They were singing, Gillette, the best a man can get, with a lot of guys hugging their fathers and sailing and riding bikes. I suddenly felt a long way from the best a man could get and I thought it would be nice to get from there to the best."
"I think in our desire to create a better America, we have to have civilized debate in this country and not just yelling."
"I think commercialism helps Christmas and I think that the more capitalism we can inject into the Christmas holiday the more spiritual I feel about it"
"Ask yourself the three things you must always ask yourself before you say anything. 1) Does this need to be said 2) 'Does this need to be said by me? 3) Does this need to be said by me now?"
"I found out it is just as hard to make a movie that you are not proud of as it is to make one you love."
"Alcohol ruined me financially and morally, broke my heart and the hearts of too many others. Even though it did this to me and it almost killed me and I haven't touched a drop of it in seventeen years, sometimes I wonder if I could get away with drinking some now. I totally subscribe to the notion that alcoholism is a mental illness because thinking like that is clearly insane."
"Divorce lawyers stoke anger and fear in their clients, knowing that as long as the conflicts remain unresolved the revenue stream will keep flowing."
"For example, in Paris, if one desires to buy something, you enter the store and say 'Good morning, sir' or 'madam, ' depending on what is appropriate, you wait until you are greeted, you make polite chitchat about the weather or some such, and when the salesperson asks what they can do for you, then and only then do you bring up the vulgar business of the transaction you require."
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