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Quotes by Entertainer
"I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over."
18
"I guess I thought I was Elvis Presley but I'll tell ya something. All Elvis did was stand on a stage and play a guitar. He never fell off on that pavement at no 80 mph."
18
"Don't think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success."
18
"And that's what I've learned too: writing is key."
18
"Our meaning is to make our little planet Earth a better place to live, to stop wars, disarm nuclear missiles, to stop diseases, AIDS, plague, cancer and to stop pollution."
18
"He asked if I was a songwriter, and I said yeah, that I was in town because I'd won this contest. He said, okay, then he was gonna play me his hit, and started singing 'When it's time to relax, one beer stands clear... '"
18
"This is a year and a few months after the transplant. Before I had it my doctors told me that it would be the biggest thing that I ever had to face and believe me, when they take your liver out of ya and put another one in it's like replacing a football in your stomach."
18
"I think that standup has always been an acquired taste and there was always only a handful of performers that were really inspired."
18
"I've leased the apartment; my partner is going to come out here. But we're keeping our house in Chicago because real estate is a really good investment and also because it is just crammed with full of stuff!"
18
"As I slowly managed to take what I had learned into a transition from contestant to announcer and warm-up, I first had to prove myself on pilots. And as you know, many pilots are taped for each show that is lucky enough to breakthrough to being a series."
18
"Well, Detroit Institute is kind of a key - probably the largest permanent collection of puppets in the US."
Key,
18
"I have lifelong friends. My oldest friend, Herbie, has been a friend since I was 9. I've had bonds for over 50 years with people."
18
"Segregation never brought anyone anything except trouble."
18
"You'd have a good voice, if it ever came out of your throat."
18
"Understand that the right to choose your own path is a sacred privilege. Use it. Dwell in possibility."
18
"I prefer the Chinese method of eating. You can do anything at the table except arm wrestle."
18
"Psychiatrists always say, Oh, we're very professional. I use exercise as my medication."
18
"I want the big drama. I always said I don't want a wedding I want a parade."
18
"America is ready for intelligent talk. I am ready to bring some humanity to TV."
18
"From where I sit now, I like the looks of tomorrow."
18
"I started this foundation when I was diagnosed. It was established for one reason, and that was to try to find a cure for MS. Every penny, 100% of the public donations that come into this are given back out in the form of grants to colleges and researchers around the world."
18
"I was also a big Woody Allen fan. When I got into college I listened to Lenny Bruce but it's taken me years to put him into context historically and really get what he did."
17
"Fame comes with its own standard. A guy who twitches his lips is just another guy with a lip twitch - unless he's Humphrey Bogart."
17
"Republicans have called for a National African-American Museum. The plan is being held up by finding a location that isn't in their neighborhood."
17
"I hate politics, hate deals, and deal-making, hate meeting with attorneys and agents."
17
"Gypsy was the name my brother gave a pet turtle he had. I always thought it was so peculiar."
17
"I'm opinionated. I always stick to my design plan. I don't waver."
17
"Asthma doesn't seem to bother me any more unless I'm around cigars or dogs. The thing that would bother me most would be a dog smoking a cigar."
17
"Anyone who has seen me spin that heavy, giant wheel on television knows that I'm not a steroid user."
17
"There are lines that I know are going to get a belly laugh, but after a few shows I get sick of hearing myself say them so I drop them."
17
"President Bush spent last night calling world leaders to support the war with Iraq and it is sad when the most powerful man on earth is yelling, 'I know you're there, pick up, pick up."
17
"I asked him if he ever hung out with black guys in high school and he said, 'Well, no. They always had these angry looks on their faces. Who wouldn't look ticked off having to deal with nitwits like him?"
17
"In all feats of fire-eating it should be noted that the head is thrown well back, so that the flame may pass out of the open mouth instead of up into the roof, as it would if the head were held naturally."
17
"Unless you choose to do great things with it, it makes no difference how much you are rewarded, or how much power you have."
17
"I'm a hardcore libertarian - I want everything legal - but I also believe that you have the right to free association."
17
"It may have lost its special-ness forever and the clubs might not being doing well but I think standup is in the best shape it has been in a long time."
17
"You always have two choices: your commitment versus your fear."
17
"I still believe Emmitt has enough left in the tank to be a productive back over the next couple of seasons."
17
"Late night television is ready for someone like me... standards have gone to an all-time low."
17
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