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"I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over."
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"Yesterday, the president met with a group he calls the coalition of the willing. Or, as the rest of the world calls them, Britain and Spain."
President

"The seven marvels that best represent man's achievements over the last 2,000 years will be determined by Internet vote... so look for Howard Stern's Private Parts to come in No. 1."
Internet

"I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land."
Land

"There are a hell of a lot of jobs that are scarier than live comedy. Like standing in the operating room when a guy's heart stops, and you're the one who has to fix it!"
Heart

"President Bush remained undeterred by the massive display of American opposition, even though much of it came from the hundreds of thousands of voters who supported him by voting for Nader."
American

"Ahh, Earth Day, the only day of the year where being able to hacky-sack will get you laid."
Being

"I'm not just a boy toy. I have feelings and dreams like anybody else."
Dream

"I can be in 20 movies. But I'll never be an actor."
Movies

"Insomnia is my greatest inspiration."
Inspirational

"I've been to Canada, and I've always gotten the impression that I could take the country over in about two days."
Impression
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"I'm too short to host a late-night talk show. It's like the bar at an amusement-park ride. You have to be six foot two or over."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I look just like the girls next door... if you happen to live next door to an amusement park."
Author Name
Personal Development

"Films have degenerated to their original operation as carnival amusement - they offer not drama but thrills."
Author Name
Personal Development

"This is real human drama, we're not creating some amusement park ride for the summer. Even though the movie is really exciting to watch, it's got a real pathos behind it."
Author Name
Personal Development

"I'm not here for your amusement. You're here for mine."
Author Name
Personal Development
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