"You'd have a good voice, if it ever came out of your throat."

"A friend in need is a pest."

"If you're poor and you do something stupid, you're nuts. If you're rich and do something stupid, you're eccentric."

"The money's the same, whether you earn it or scam it."

"Hawaii's the 50th state? I thought it was a suburb of Guam."

"There's only two kinds of music I don't like... Country and Western."

"Have you ever been to Glens Falls? The city limits signs are on the same post."

"I'd love to be popular in Barcelona. That sounds like a fun job."

"There's nothing better than a good, blind referee."

"I know all about cheating. I've had six very successful marriages."

"North Dakota State. What do you have to do there to graduate? Milk a cow with your left hand?"

"You can win, it'll just cost you some money."

"It's a dog eat dog world, and Mr. Perfect is a Milk Bone."