"When something needs to be ironed I put it in the ironing basket. If a year goes by and the item is still in the basket I throw the item away. This is a good system since eventually I end up only with clothes that don't need ironing."

"My Spanish is limited to burrito and taco."

"I'd spent a night with Ranger a while ago, and I knew what happened when he was encouraged. Ranger knew how to make a woman want him. Ranger was magic."

"Excuse me?' I said, palms down on the Formica tabletop. 'Coffee? I thought we came here for pie.' 'I don't eat the kind of pie they serve here.' I felt a flash of heat go through my stomach. I knew firsthand the kind of pie Ranger liked."

"I like the way you've let your hair go curly,' he finally said. 'Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,'Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum."

"I wasn't sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others."

"I don't need handcuffs to enslave a woman.' -Ranger to Stephanie."

"Men drive off bridges and drink too much because of women like you."

"Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut."

"My father hired you to protect me,' Ahmed said, 'not to go off chasing men.' Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. 'We think this guy killed Fred.' 'Who's Fred?' 'My uncle,' I told him. 'He's married to Mabel.' 'Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing."

"I don't have a lot of domestic instincts,' Ranger said to me, his attention fixing on the unidentifiable glob in my hair, 'but I have a real strong urge to take you home and hose you down.'I went dry mouth. Connie bit into her lower lip, and Lula fanned herself with a file."

"I don't get writer's block because I don't believe in it. I believe you sit in front of the computer and force your fingers to get something on the screen."

"In my father's scheme of things, there were Italians and then there was the rest of the world."

"Nice dress. Take it off."

"Jesus, Morelli, you sound like you have PMS. You have to learn to lighten up a little. It's just a car alarm. You should be thanking me. I had it installed with my own money."

"Wondering where Ranger was now, when I needed him. Why wasn't he here, insisting on locking me up in a safe house? Now that my hamster's cage was clean, I'd be happy to oblige."

"I could help you, I said. 'Counseling, drugs, a religious advisor, a girlfriend."

"Connie, giving her thoughts on why Vinnie's hot temper is less than normal, says: 'Lucille must have fed him a Vallium smoothie this morning."

"Oh, for God's sake,' I said. 'Just give me the stupid thing.' I took the panic button and stuck it into my Super Sexy Miracle Bra. 'GPS,' Ranger said to Morelli. 'Probably I can find her breast without it,' Morelli said. 'But it's good to know there's a navigational system on board if I need it."

"If I gave you a pity position it wouldn't be in my office."

"Respect and love your readers. Write for the reader."

"On the bright side, I'm sure this isn't the last time you'll ever get firebombed, so maybe you'll have better luck next time."

"When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: 'She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank."

"I attributed the incidence to temporary insanity, and in my own defense, I'd like to say I haven't run over anyone since."

"That's why I'm not on social media. People are way too open about their private lives. I don't need to see pictures of what somebody had for lunch or hear about how difficult their last bowel movement was or see on a map where they were when either one happened."

"He's sort of a homeless horse, I said.'I'm leaving for the airport in two seconds, and I won't be back for a couple days. You can put the horse in the garage, but I don't want that horse in my apartment.'Who would put a horse in an apartment? That's dumb.'Where's the horse staying now?'My apartment.'I can always count on you to brighten my day, Ranger said. And he disconnected."

"You never want to look in a mirror,' Lula said. 'Men love mirrors. They look at themselves doing the deed and they see Rex the Wonder Horse. Women look at themselves and think they need to renew their membership at the gym."

"Aren't you something,' Grandma said. 'I never saw a midget up close.' 'Little person,' Briggs said. 'And I never saw anyone as old as you up close, either."

"Ranger 'How's your mental health?' he asked. 'I heard about Soder.'Stephanie 'I'm rattled.''I have a cure.'Oh, boy.He put the truck in gear and headed for the exit. 'I know what you're thinking,' he said. 'And that wasn't where I was going. I was going to suggest work.''I knew that.'He looked over at me and grinned. 'You want me bad.'I did. God help me."

"I don't believe this,' Diesel said. 'It just gets worse and worse. Bad I enough I have to play cupid to a butcher, button maker and veterinarian...now have to be sex therapist for a guy who gives people a rash."

"He's going to jail. He can't see. He can't hear. He can't take a leak that lasts under fifteen minutes. But he has an erection and all the other problems are small change. Next time around I'm coming back as a man. Priorities are clearly defined. Life is simple."

"Romance novels are birthday cake and life is often peanut butter and jelly. I think everyone should have lots of delicious romance novels lying around for those times when the peanut butter of life gets stuck to the roof of your mouth."

"I need to look like an idiot at least twice a day to keep myself humble."

"Fuck,' Ranger said.Ranger didn't often curse and he rarely raised his voice. The fuck has been entirely conversational. Like he was now midly inconvenienced. He put his Bates boot to the door and the door popped open.."

"Tastykakes are just another of the many advantages of living in Jersey. They're made in Philly and shipped to Trenton in all their fresh squishiness. I read once that 439,000 Butterscotch Krimpets are baked every day. And not a heck of a lot of them find their way to New Hampshire. All that snow and scenery and what good does it do you without Tastykakes?"

"That's how you tell what a man's really made of. It's one thing for a man to be big and brave and kill a spider. Any man could do that. Trailin' after a woman when she's shopping for thongs and push-up bras is a whole other category of man. And then if you want to see how far you can go with it, you ask him to carry one of those little pink bags they give you."

"Almost everybody I know has died, Grandma said. 'Bunch of wimps."