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"Almost everybody I know has died, Grandma said. 'Bunch of wimps."
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"Age is always advancing and I'm fairly sure it's up to no good."

"Old-age sucks, but the alternative doesn't look that great, either."

"With regard to things such as independence, mental capabilities, and sexuality, a very old man is nothing but a gigantic infant with white hair and wrinkles."

"Some people do not really hate aging, they merely love the colour black."

"Old age saves us from the realization of a great many fears."

"Everything about aging in my experience so far has been a plus. Except the death part!"

"As an unavoidable result of the inevitable loss of some physical and/or some mental abilities, many a man who has been alive for many years has become a boy again."

"Granny Weatherwax had a primal snore. It had never been tamed. No one had ever had to sleep next to it, to curb its wilder excesses by means of a kick, a prod in the small of the back, or a pillow used as a bludgeon. It had had years in a lonely bedroom to perfect the knark, the graaah, and the gnoc, gnoc, gnoc unimpeded by the nudges, jabs, and occasional attempts at murder that usually moderate the snore impulse over time."

"Things aren't what they used to be' is the rallying cry of small minds. When men say things used to be better, they invariably mean they were better for them, because they were young, and had all their hopes intact. The world is bound to look a darker place as you slide into the grave."
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"My father hired you to protect me,' Ahmed said, 'not to go off chasing men.' Grandma leaned forward, keeping her eye on the Taurus. 'We think this guy killed Fred.' 'Who's Fred?' 'My uncle,' I told him. 'He's married to Mabel.' 'Ah so you're avenging a murder in the family. This is a good thing."

"I wasn't sure anymore what made a good marriage. There had to be love, of course, but there were so many different kinds of love. And clearly, some love was more enduring than others."

"I like the way you've let your hair go curly,' he finally said. 'Suits your personality. Lots of energy, not much control, sexy as hell,'Joe Morelli to Stephanie Plum."

"There is no such thing as a good call at 7 AM. It's been my experience that all calls between the hours of 11 PM and 9 AM are disaster calls."

"So you need an alarm system because you gonna be in bad neighborhoods?''Actually, I sort of stole a car, and I'm afraid the owner will try to get it back."

"When Grandma Mazur is talking about the reason for the improved play of her 91-year-old bowling teammate, she said: 'She's doing better now that we got her the longer tubing to her oxygen tank."

"Okay, take a deep breath, I told myself. Don't go all hormonal. Get the facts straight. Have a mental doughnut."
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